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The Pit

You were there when I was numbChristian Writing Ministry
When I was lost.
When I didn’t know where to find…..

I didn’t know where to look.
Going through the motions
seemed so hard.
My struggles just brought
me deeper in the pit.

But, no pit is deeper
than the arm of God.
And You were there.
You met me in my pit,
and sat with me awhile.
And we cried together.
We mourned my losses:
-of hope
-of the future
that “my mind” had planned,
and realized that You directed my path.

Your plans are better than mine,
Your thoughts are higher than mine.
And I put my hand in Yours,
and You are bringing me out of that pit.
And I know there is glorious sunshine at the end.

However long it takes
However many rocks are in my path,
we will go hand in hand
and I will trust You
and follow You completely.
For You know me
and even though You know,
You love me!

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The Battle Belongs to the Lord

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

In my last two articles “He Touched Me” and “Freeze Tag” ( I wrote about being frozen in life and using drugs, men and drinking to numb myself. This article is about what happened after “day one”, how I remained free from drugs.

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” Galatians 5:1 NKJV

Satan really doesn’t like it when someone gets free from his or her bondage. He kicks up a fight. I quit a 23-year habit of smoking pot on a Tuesday, on Wednesday I went to a Bible Study and while I was there, my car window was broken and my CD player was stolen. I went back into the building called the Police and made a report. I cleaned up as much of the glass as I could and went home to vacuum out the car. When I got home, the guy from across the alley came over and he was drunk, he was hugging me and trying to kiss me (he’s married with 5 kids!). I had to fight to get out of his arms. I got into the house and realized I was in a war!

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 NKJV

The first thing I did was to speak out loud to the enemy. I don’t remember my exact words, but I told him I knew he had challenged me to war and I was ready to fight! I told him I have Jesus Christ and His blood on my side, I have heavenly weapons and armor and he was already defeated! I got everything in my house that had anything to do with drugs, I still had pipes, papers and other paraphernalia, and some pot left. I bagged it all up and put it by the door and told Satan I was getting it out of the house the next day. I had a DARE (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) bumper sticker in the house I put it on my car the next morning.

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13 NKJV

Joyce Meyer (Bible speaker and teacher) was doing a series “The Battle Belongs to the Lord” on TV. I would tape the show and watch it after work. Everyday I would do exactly what the Bible says to do in II Chronicles 20. King Jehoshaphat was in a battle with the Moabites, the Ammonites and the Meunites; I was in a battle with the “addiction-ites”. King Jehoshaphat sent the choir singing praises out to lead them into battle, and I did the same thing. I sang praises to the Lord constantly all day long. When I was alone I sang out loud and when I wasn’t alone I sang them in my head. I watched the “Battle Belongs to the Lord” segment of Joyce Meyer over and over; I watched it every day at least once. I read II Chronicles 20 in the Bible at least 3 times every day for the first month. I just saturated my soul with that story whenever I could and when I couldn’t I was singing praises!

“You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem! Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.” II Chronicles 20:17 NKJV

I am here today to tell you that it works! Praise is a very powerful weapon against the enemy. It worked for me and I know it can work for you as well.

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke apart the bonds that held them. For He has broken the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron apart.” Psalm 107:13-14, 16 AMP

Steven Curtis Chapman has a song called “Remember Your Chains” “Remember your chains, remember the prison that once held you, before the love of God broke through. Remember the place you were without grace, when you see where you are now, remember your chains, and remember your chains are gone.”

“Imagine what your life would be, if Jesus had not set you free.”

This is a great message. No matter how far I’ve come, I always want to remember where I started.

“For whoever lacks these qualities is blind, (spiritually) shortsighted, seeing only what is near to him, and has become oblivious (to the fact) that he was cleansed from his old sins.” II Peter 2:9 AMP

Praise God!

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Freeze Tag

Freeze Tag

(Please see my article “He Touched Me” for part one.)

One Sunday my Pastor’s sermon was called “Freeze Tag”. When you were a kid, did you ever play the game freeze tag? It’s just like playing tag, one person is “it” and runs around, trying to tag the others, the only difference is once you are tagged, you must freeze in that position. You remain that way until one of the other people that aren’t “it” come and touch you and unfreeze you, then you are free to run around again. Well my life related to this game of freeze tag, as I’m sure many other’s do. At a point in my life I was touched and frozen. The part of me that was frozen didn’t grow up and also didn’t want to feel because of the pain I was trying to avoid. I needed to find ways to numb my feelings. People get frozen for different reasons, either for one reason or for a combination of reasons. I think mine was a combination. I had really low self-esteem and self worth; I had what I call a “soil of shame” and a “root of rejection”. These were brought into my life for various reasons.

“…For you shall forget the shame of your youth…” Isaiah 54:4

When I heard the sermon Freeze Tag something happened inside of me. Monday, I decided to quit smoking pot, I was going to call my Pastor and speak with him about the sermon and realized Monday was his day off. I didn’t call him that day and I didn’t quit drugs, but I did only smoke one joint (instead of the usual 8!). Tuesday came and I got up my nerve and called my Pastor. He was so gracious! I poured it all out, I told him all the things I was ashamed of and how helpless I was to stop on my own. I just wanted to live for Jesus-completely! He talked to me about my concerns of quitting and starting a new life, he prayed with me and that was the day I quit!

“Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].” James 5:16 AMP

Once you’re frozen in life, you need a touch to get defrosted just like in the game. The difference being in the game anyone other than the person that is “it” can touch you, but in life, it has to be Jesus. He comes and touches that frozen part of you and you’re defrosted. That part of you is now allowed to grow and to feel. It’s a difficult process. Even if you are supernaturally delivered like I was from the addictive substance, there are still a lot of things you have to do in the aftermath of it. For me, the part that was frozen was my emotions; I truly didn’t know how to feel, or what I was feeling. Making decisions was hard; I didn’t know what my opinions were. I cried very easily because my emotions were right on the surface. I wasn’t used to feeling, so when I did feel it was really intense.

“Now Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And there was a woman there who for eighteen years had had an infirmity caused by a spirit (a demon of sickness). She was bent completely forward and utterly unable to straighten herself up or to look upward. And when Jesus saw her, He called (her to Him) and said to her, Woman, you are released from your infirmity! Then He laid (His) hands on her and instantly she was made straight, and she recognized and thanked and praised God.” Luke 13:10-13 AMP

This sums up how Jesus touched me. I was frozen in life always looking down, unable to look up because the things of the world held me in bondage. Jesus touched me and I wasn’t frozen any more, I could look up and see Jesus, look Him right in the eye and know that He loved me, He healed me from my infirmity!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows].” Psalm 147:3 AMP

Anyone can be used by Jesus to be “Jesus in the skin” to someone else, let Him use you today. Let Him use your former pain and shame to minister to others. Help Him set the captives free.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound” Isaiah 61:1 NKJV

“Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense…” Isaiah 61:7a AMP

“who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” II Corinthians 1:4 RSV
(Continued in my next article “The Battle Belongs to the Lord”)




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He Touched Me

Christian Writing MinistryFive years ago Jesus delivered me from my 23-year habit of drugs. I had more than one drug of choice in my life, but the main one that seemed to follow me through was pot.

I started smoking pot at the age of 13 and after about the age of 15, I really don’t remember too many days that I went without it. If I was unable to find it for a short period of time because the town was “dry”, I would do something else to numb myself, usually get drunk. Basically, for 23 years, I did some sort of mind altering, mood altering substance everyday.

“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but ever be filled and stimulated with the Holy Spirit.” Ephesians 5:18 AMP

My life was messed up; I was in and out of relationships, marriages and affairs. I used men and drugs to fill the space inside of me that only God could fill. I was (as my Pastor would say) “worshipping Baal”. I tried all kinds of self-improvement, I read books, listened to tapes and attended workshops. I strived, I mean I REALLY STRIVED, I worked and worked and used all the energy I had until I gave up. Then I would shame myself for failing and get up the energy and try again. I was trying to change my character traits, my behaviors, the circumstances of my life and my unhappiness. But I was looking in all the wrong places. For more details see my testimony, (Prodigal Daughter) at

“So kill (deaden, deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in your members (those animal impulses and all that is earthly in you that is employed in sin): sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed and covetousness, for that is idolatry (deifying of self and other created things instead of God).” Colossians 3:5 AMP

I’ve been a Christian since December of 1994, yet I didn’t quit drinking and doing drugs until August 1996. I did quit using men though; I had made the decision to be celibate. The reason for the celibacy was not for any spiritual reason at first, it was because my ex-husband had been cheating on me for over 3 years and I wanted to see if I had any STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Disease).

“But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” II Corinthians 3:18 NKJV

I had been praying God would help me to quit drugs, but then I would be afraid and add to my prayer “but please don’t let me get busted!” God is good, He delivered me and I wasn’t busted.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” Philippians 4:6

(Due to the length of this story it will be continued in my next article entitled “Freeze Tag”)


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How Far I’ve Come

Isn’t it funny how God works? He works from the inside out, sometimes it is so slow and natural we don’t even see the change. Other times, He works so fast; it’s a miracle, a deliverance. I’ve experienced both of these ways of God in my life. About 6-8 months after I got saved, I one day noticed I didn’t swear anymore. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, it just did. When I got off of drugs and drinking it was a genuine deliverance in my life. It seemed to happen quickly, but as I think about it, maybe it was a slow process, one I didn’t even know was going on inside of me until it manifested on the outside.

Christian Writing MinistryI read a book “Tired of Trying to Measure Up” by Jeff VanVonderen a few months after I quit smoking pot. Now I’m reading it again. When I first read the book I thought the author knew me and was writing the book about me. Almost every single word was exactly me! It was the best book; it really helped me to realize what, how and why I have the personality traits and behaviors that I do.

The book is about Christians who live under a deeply ingrained code of written and unwritten expectations and rules that shame them and drain them. It is for the perfectionist, people with low self worth, ones that were abused or shamed and the people who were addicted to any form of substance that allowed them to escape. Mostly it is about shame and how it affects us in our opinion about our relationships our behaviors and ourselves. It speaks about who we are in God’s eyes, what He created us to be, the freedom God’s grace brings and how to recognize what our coping skills are and how they do or don’t serve us in our relationships.

The first time I read this book, a friend borrowed it to me. I remembered the book being so true for me that I wanted my own copy. My church had a sale in the bookstore a few weeks ago and I bought it. I started reading it for the second time. I am only on the 3rd chapter and I can already see how far I’ve come. The opinions, behaviors and characteristics the book speaks of were 98% me the first time. Now, they are still in me, but healed to the point that they rarely show up anymore. My thoughts are different, my actions are different, and it’s a miracle!

“And all of us, as with unveiled face, because we continued to behold in the Word of God as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another for this comes from the Lord Who is the Spirit. II Corinthians 3:18

“And let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:6

“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” Philippians 1:6

If you ever think you are not moving spiritually, look back in your journal if you have one, read a book that described you, ask a trusted friend or pray and ask God to reveal it to you. I know you will be encouraged when you realize how different you are. God usually takes us through life’s lessons slowly and we are continually being transformed into His likeness.


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Making Excuses to God

Making Excuses to God

It was a day just like any other day, except it was really hot and humid. I came home from work, laid underneath my ceiling fan and put in a movie. It wasn’t too long and I got a call from the Pastor of my old church. He and I had been really close, I was the church secretary and we would spend a lot of time talking. He was there for me the first few years of my Christian life and got me going on the right path.

He called wanting to know if he could refer someone to me that is going through a time in their life like what I went through in my past. He wanted me to share and minister to this person. I felt honored, that God wanted to use me in this person’s life. All the pain, heartache and struggles that I went through were not in vain. God is going to use those to help others in need! I love to minister to others, to see someone who is hurting and struggling find hope and healing. There is no greater joy than to watch that transformation happen.

As we were talking, we were catching up on each other’s lives. I updated him on a few things and he asked me questions that no one has asked me lately. Things like: How do you feel about that? Where are you in your walk with God? How is your soul? After I got off the phone I got thinking about his questions.

I am the kind of person that needs a sounding board, someone just to listen to me as I talk about my feelings, emotions and thoughts. It helps me to figure out what’s really going on. If it’s ok, I’d like to use this forum as my “sounding board”.

I realize that I am at a place in my life that I’m making excuses to God for my sins. I’m not being accountable or responsible for the way that I’m living. I am blaming my past experiences for my current behavior and choices. I really love God and want to be obedient, but, I am afraid to do what I know is right. I don’t trust my discernment and my ability to make right I am currently living with my boyfriend and I know that I should marry him, we talk about it, but yet due to a previous marriage/divorce I am afraid to make that step. We both love God and have given our lives to Him. My boyfriend has a history of DWI’s and addiction, I have a history of addictions as well. I’ve been straight for almost 5 years and never have slipped. He’s had a slip just recently and is in the workhouse serving time for a DWI. I know that God has gotten his attention and is working on him.

I got delivered from my addictions by God in a supernatural way, and have a hard time remembering that some people have to be healed step by step. I know that we are transformed from glory to glory, and I need to have the grace, mercy and patience to allow God to know the timing that is needed for each individual. This is a learning experience for me because my deliverance was immediate. It was a miracle in my life. I know that God is using my boyfriend (and maybe this other person that my Pastor is referring to me) to teach me the various ways that God works.

The Bible says “Not that I have now attained (this ideal), or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me his own. I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own (yet); but one thing I do (it is my one aspiration): forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the (supreme and heavenly) prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.” Philippians 3:12-14 (AMP). Also, “Therefore, if any person is in Christ he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old (previous moral and spiritual condition) has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!” II Corinthians 5:17 (AMP). Both of these verses tell me that I am not to look at the past to get a picture of the future. The past is exactly that, the past. Joyce Meyer (spiritual teacher and conference leader) often says that the way you start is not as important as the way that you finish and the start does not make or break you at the finish when it comes to spiritual matters. God can and does transform everyone and anyone.

The Bible also tells me “Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom) And all of us, as with unveiled face, (because we) continued to behold (in the Word of God) as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; (for this comes) from the Lord (Who is) the Spirit.” II Corinthians 3:17-18.(AMP) Also, “”Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” Romans 12:2. These verses tell me that we are changed from “glory to glory” and by the renewing of our minds. I know that this is true, my anniversary for being straight is in August and it will be 5 years. I think of how far I’ve come and I’m amazed. God is truly an Awesome God.

Thank you for allowing me to use this as a sounding board, I pray that this article has given you something to think about in your own life. If you are like me and using excuses for your sin or using your past to judge the future, join me in trusting the future to God, trusting our own and other’s transformations to God, (nothing is too big for Him!), confessing and repenting our sins, knowing that God will be and always has been faithful. He is there for us, He loves us and we CAN trust Him.

Bless you.

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Weakness Can Be Strong

We’re taught that weakness is not good,Christian Writing Ministry
To always be strong like we should.
But there’s a limit to what’s inside,
To how much pain that we can hide.

We go through life, stuffing and denying,
Until it comes easily, without trying.
We turn to liquor, drugs and beer,
To avoid the feelings that we fear.

Life seems good, for a while,
We learn to function and to smile.
But then one day the bottom crashes in,
And we realize this isn’t how to win.

We’ve tried and tried with all our might,
And still the end seems out of sight.
We know that we can’t do it alone,
And we turn to God to lead us home.

After we’ve been clean for some time,
Those old grievances and pain come to mind.
Now is the time that we face them head on,
Learning sometimes, weakness is really being strong.

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The Battle Within

Lord, help me with my struggles of flesh,Christian Writing Ministry
Satan wants to use it to make a mess.
Keep me focused, keep me clean
So that my life can be serene.

The dark places in my soul,
Need light to make me whole.
Satan works with the dark,
Plants an idea for a start.

The battlefield is in the mind,
The thoughts I have, are the kind
That my flesh like to entertain
But following through would be insane.

For the action would bring struggle
To my life, turmoil and trouble.
I know this is a test I can pass,
With my focus on You, it can’t last.

Give me strength to see me through,
Transform my mind to be like You.
For that’s the only way to win,
This battle that rages within.

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The Pit

You were there when I was numb When I was lost. When I didn’t know where to...
article post

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

In my last two articles “He Touched Me” and “Freeze Tag” ( I...
article post

Freeze Tag

(Please see my article “He Touched Me” for part one.) One Sunday my Pastor’s sermon was...
article post

He Touched Me

Five years ago Jesus delivered me from my 23-year habit of drugs. I had more than one...
article post

How Far I’ve Come

Isn’t it funny how God works? He works from the inside out, sometimes it is so...
article post

Making Excuses to God

It was a day just like any other day, except it was really hot and humid. I came home...
article post

Weakness Can Be Strong

We’re taught that weakness is not good, To always be strong like we should. But there’s...
article post

The Battle Within

Lord, help me with my struggles of flesh, Satan wants to use it to make a mess. Keep me...
article post