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With This Ring

My Mom died almost 9 years ago. Sometimes it feels like forever and other times it feels like just yesterday. Among the things she left was her wedding band. It’s just a thin, gold band; nothing special. It was broken because we cut it off her finger one day when she smashed it in the door. I took it to the jeweler and had it fixed and sized for me and I’ve worn it every day since. 

My niece’s oldest son, Cam is engaged to be married and he had a special bond with my mom; his Great-Grandma. Cam gave his fiancé Angelina a fire opal for their engagement ring. Shortly after they got engaged, it occurred to me her ring wasn’t part of a wedding set so they would need a wedding ring. I thought Mom’s ring would be perfect to go with Angelina’s fire opal. My intention had always been to pass Mom’s ring down to someone in the family and this would be the perfect opportunity. 

I texted Cam and asked if he’d like to give to Angelina and he was ecstatic! Yes! He was so excited, he said Angelina would be very happy because she knew how much Cam’s Grandma meant to him. So, it was decided that Mom’s wedding ring would become their wedding ring. I was filled with joy, it was an honor to do this on behalf of my Mom, I knew she’d want this and if she were here, she’d do the same thing. It felt wonderful to be able to bless Cam and Angelina and it felt really right.

About a week or so later the sadness came. I realized I don’t want to give Mom’s ring up. I always intended to pass it on, but I thought I’d do it in my will or right before I died. I’m not ready to give it up now. I started not wearing it because I didn’t want to lose it and I thought if I quit wearing it now, I’d get used to the fact that soon it won’t belong to me. It didn’t help, I was just as sad and miserable. I realize God asked me to do this and I’m being obedient, but it was much easier when I felt joy about it.

I spent time journaling and asked God what was going on. He showed me it’s very special to me because it’s a symbol of my Mom and Dad’s love. Mom said “I do” to Dad with this ring and Dad said “I do” to Mom. With it, they pledged their lives to each other. It’s a symbol of that bond, their love, their relationship. Mom wore this ring for 50+ years, it’s the most sentimental thing she owned; the only material thing she really cared about. My Mom wasn’t attached to material things but this ring, I think she was. I think of it as a piece of her heart…. her soul. Now, I’m letting it go. I’m sad. I’m miserable. Why would God ask me to do something like this? I know it’s not because He wants me to be miserable. He loves me. Is it because He wants to see if I’ll be obedient when it’s hard? Or because He knows that joy, the feeling of blessing others will return? Maybe He knows I’ll be blessed by being in a position where I’m able to act on Mom’s behalf? I don’t know but I know it’ll reveal itself after I do it; or maybe it won’t.

God wants me to go one step at a time and trust Him; have faith that He knows what’s good for me. He knows the big picture. When I obey, after I obey, after I carry it through; then He reveals the purpose… or not. Sometimes I don’t get to know or see what the purpose of things are. Maybe in Heaven all things will be revealed. In the meantime, it’s one step at a time. Walking by faith, not by sight.



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Crazy Love

I was challenged during a study of the book and workbook by Francis Chan “Crazy Love”. We did two chapters most weeks and one week was on “Lukewarm” and “Leftovers”. These are some of the questions I was presented with:

Am I giving leftover sacrifices to God?

Am I lukewarm or am I totally on fire for Him?

Do I love Him with my entire body, soul and mind?

Am I like the poor woman who gave two coins for an offering but yet she gave more than anyone else because that’s all she had?

Am I like the man who invites only the people to dinner who can invite him back? He doesn’t invite the poor who can do nothing for him.

Am I like this man? Yes, I am. I’m like this man. It convicted me and for a while made me question my salvation, I started thinking I wasn’t good enough, that I had to try harder; I started to get filled thoughts of all the things I “should” be doing. As quickly as these thoughts came into my mind I recognized them for what they were: a lie and I needed to get rid of them quickly. I needed to replace them with the truth: I serve a God of grace and as long as my motivation is right there’s grace for me, I am covered. I don’t have to be perfect, I will never be perfect, I don’t have to perform a certain way I just have to have the right heart. My previous Pastor and friend had a favorite saying “look down at your feet, what direction are they pointing?” As long as they’re pointing forward and I’m moving in the right direction, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t arrived or I’m not moving as fast as someone else. What matters is if I’m moving and pointed in the right direction and not parked on the side of the road.

So it just depends on my heart and I need to remember that, it’s not what I “do”. I know that I can do nothing outside of Jesus. He has to give me the strength for everything. I can’t even love Him unless He gives me that love. There’s nothing I can do outside of Him. He has to change me. He has to work through me to accomplish these things. He has to do this in me. I can’t do it; it can’t come from me because if it does it will fail.

My prayers have changed; I pray for increased desire and love for Jesus and the world, increased strength and to walk through life seeing and hearing as He would. I pray that He will give me His thoughts, words, will, emotions and take mine from me. That’s all I need to do; change my prayers, keep my heart and motivation right and my feet pointed in the right direction.

 

 


With This Ring

My Mom died almost 9 years ago. Sometimes it feels like forever and other times it feels...
article post

Crazy Love

I was challenged during a study of the book and workbook by Francis Chan “Crazy Love”....
article post