He I Am To Worship

I volunteered for the Passion Regional Conference in Chicago last weekend. I’ve volunteered for Passion Conferences in the past and loved it. I was on the Touch Team again and it’s the team that interacts with the students the most. The Touch Team is usually inside the arena to help students find seats, answer any questions they may have and assist them in any way. We – the volunteers are there to serve the Kingdom by serving the students. We are to be Jesus in the skin to them.

Well, I think I’m ready for this and I love to serve; it always has brought me joy in the past. The funny thing is this time, it was different – I was different. We started out doing the set up and getting ready for the conference – we arrived at 8 a.m. and the first session was at 7 p.m. I was assigned to help at registration from 2 until 5 in the afternoon. At 5:00 I was on the Touch Team. I was so excited and wanted to have a really good position. I told myself it was because I loved to interact with the students and I loved to serve God. At the meeting of the Touch Team we were told that the position we received for the first night was to be the same position we would hold for the entire conference. Well, my husband got put in a really good place and I ended up being assigned with another volunteer to stand by a barrier and not allow anyone who wasn’t a volunteer to go beyond it. This barrier was out in the concourse. I was so disappointed and angry. I didn’t want to be there, I was whining about everything: my back was going to hurt because I have to keep moving and this position was standing still; it was a stupid place to stand; it didn’t take two of us to guard this barrier; on and on I was complaining to myself. My feelings were taking over. I knew in my head that I was serving God no matter where I was assigned, but my emotions were not matching what I knew to be true. I prayed and thanked God for the opportunity to serve and I knew I was serving regardless of where I was and I praised Him for what He was going to do that weekend in the hearts of all the people attending. Even though I didn’t feel like saying the words, I said the words. I confessed that I was feeling selfish and didn’t want to feel that way but I needed help to get past this.

I wasn’t there too long and one of the leaders asked me to move to the next spot over and help a different volunteer to work the aisle in the arena and decide when to close that section and send everyone to the upper level. I was excited to do that, even though it wasn’t a good position either. I was mad at myself for not being up front of the group and taking one of the first positions that were given away; I was upset not to be where my husband was assigned.

We were told that the following day the 15 registration people would be joining the Touch Team. Well, my plan was to ask to be reassigned to be with my husband Bill now that we had more people and someone else could take my spot. I talked to Bill about it and he thought it was a great idea; he wanted to serve with me. Well, I asked and what happened was they switched Bill and the guy I was serving with the night before. So, the guy I was serving with got the good spot and Bill ended up in the crummy spot with me! I was really upset with myself for not getting myself out of that spot, but now I got Bill in there with me – I ruined it for him! He just takes it all in stride and he seems to be happy anywhere they put him. He’s so great – I can learn so much from him! The people that were on the end portal didn’t show up, one of them was to be on the meal team that morning and would be back after lunch; so they asked me and Bill to split up and he took the end portal and I stayed where I was. Meanwhile, I’m critiquing everything in my head – where are the 15 volunteers from registration? What about the meal team – where are they? (They were supposed to join the Touch Team in the afternoon) We should be doubled up all over the place and it seems like we have the same, if not less than before. The guy that was at the end portal the day before that had joined the meal team came back before the evening session and told us he was a “floater” we saw him just talking and wandering around on the floor and everywhere – it didn’t seem as though he was serving anywhere – just enjoying the conference. Well, seems as though everything was bothering me: I thought I lost $20 and I was flustered and upset, an intercessor that was praying over the seats before the building was open took my sweatshirt that I had saving my seat because she thought it was lost and found – that upset me. I just was miserable and not in the right place in my heart. I prayed and really focused and decided I was in a good spot, I could see just fine and this wasn’t about me.

Well, Louie did a sermon and he said many things that really spoke to me. He talked about people who to go church and complain all the way home about how they didn’t get anything out of the worship, etc. Well, the worship wasn’t for them, it was for God. That’s why we worship – it has nothing to do with what we get or don’t get out of it, we aren’t to be doing it for ourselves. He said as long as we are reacting like that in regards to anything…the worship, the sermon, etc., it shows that the filter or the lens we are viewing the world through is one that is all about ourselves. We need to get rid of that filter – we are not there for us. Why we are there is for God, whether we are attending or serving. Our service is worship to God, is it a sweet aroma in His nostrils? We go and we sing “Here I am to Worship”….when really, no we aren’t there to worship – at least not God we are there to please and feed and make our flesh happy.