I’m Powerless

This last week has been really crazy for me. I’ve been reminded over and over just how powerless I am. How powerless we all are.

Last Monday, I was at North Memorial in Maple Grove with Bill. He was getting a test done as an outpatient. While I was waiting for him my niece called and told me my Mom had been taken to the Hospital by ambulance. She didn’t have any other information – just that.

I called and verified that my mom had just arrived in the ER and they were checking her out – they’d call when they had more information. So, when Bill got done we went from North Memorial in Maple Grove to North Memorial in Robbinsdale. The bottom line is that mom has a blood clot in her heart. She’s home now but she has a long road ahead of her yet.

Through this God has been showing me and teaching me many things:
• To live one day at a time; sometimes one moment at a time.
• To be fully present to each moment.
• I am powerless and I have to continually turn things over to Him – that’s been my entire week this week.
• He’s showing me just how precious each moment is and not to take anything for granted.
• He’s shown me the love He has for His children and that no matter how old we are – we’re still His children.
• That He gives us the strength and grace we need for each day – our “daily bread”.
• He’s shown me the importance of family and friends and that they really make a difference in our lives.
• He’s shown me the reality of “we can make our plans, but He directs our steps”
• that ultimately He’s in control. And we – are powerless.

Here’s a “physical heart-snapshot”
One of the cool things He showed me is the complex and unique way He has created us. I was in the room when Mom got an ultrasound done of her heart. At one point the image on the screen was like a little cone head person (you can tell I’m a 70’s SNL fan) I think there was more than one but I could really only see one (because of the size of the screen) and this little cone head person; was praising God! It was kinda like jumping jacks yet not really. It would raise it’s hands in praise and then back down to touch the other cone head person.

I really think it was her heart pumping and the valves letting the blood flow by and then blocking it again. I’m not sure. But to me, in that moment it was cone head people praising God. I just thought – wow, even our hearts praise God with every beat!

Powerless

This last week has been really crazy for me. I’ve been reminded over and over just how powerless I am. How powerless we all are.

Last Monday, I was at North Memorial in MG with Bill. He was getting a test done as an outpatient. While I was waiting for him my niece called and told me my Mom had been taken to the Hospital by ambulance. She didn’t have any other information – just that.

I called and verified that my mom had just arrived in the ER and they were checking her out – they’d call when they had more information. So, when Bill got done we went from North Memorial in MG to North Memorial in Robbinsdale. The bottom line is that mom has a blood clot in her heart. She’s home now but she has a long road ahead of her yet.

Through this God has been showing me and teaching me many things:

• To live one day at a time; sometimes one moment at a time.
• I am powerless and I have to continually turn things over to Him – that’s been my entire week this week.
• He’s showing me just how precious each moment is and not to take anything for granted.
• He’s shown me the love He has for His children and that no matter how old we are – we’re still His children.
• That He gives us the strength and grace we need for each day – our “daily bread”.
• He’s shown me the importance of family and friends and that they really make a difference in our lives.
• He’s shown me the reality of “we can make our plans, but He directs our steps”
• that ultimately He’s in control. And we – are powerless.

One of the cool things He showed me is the complex and unique way He has created us. I was in the room when Mom got an ultrasound done of her heart. At one point the image on the screen was like a little cone head person (you can tell I’m a 70’s SNL fan J) I think there was more than one but I could really only see one and this little cone head person; was praising God! It was kinda like jumping jacks yet not really. It would raise it’s hands in praise and then back down to touch I think the other cone head person. I really think it was her heart pumping and the valves letting the blood flow by and then blocking it again. I’m not sure, but to me, in that moment it was cone head people praising God. I just thought – wow, even our hearts praise God with every beat!

There is Hope

I want to share with you that there is hope. When you’re a Child of God – there’s always hope! Paul says in Colossians 1:27 that we have Christ in us, the hope of glory. (Christ is in us and we can hope for glory – we can!)

I gave my life to Jesus when I was a young child in Sunday school and I fell away – badly when I got a little older. I gave my life to Jesus as an adult when I was 34. At that time, I had been using drugs for about 22 years and was in the process of my 3rd divorce.

I started using when I was barely 13; because I wanted to be grown up, wanted to fit in and just wanted to be cool. My oldest sister introduced me to cigarettes, drinking and pot – all in one night. I had been sexually abused by different men from the age of 11 or 12 until about 15. When I was 22, right after my first divorce my mom disowned me and I went into a downward spiral for the next 12 years.

I used men, a huge variety of drugs and partied whenever I could. My drug of choice was always pot, but also included cocaine for about 8 years. I did many other drugs in my life, but these two were my favorites. My goal was to be stoned from the time I got up in the morning until I passed out at night. In the morning when I was putting my make up on, I was smoking a joint; I smoked on the way to work, at work and on the way home and all night long. A typical day for me was an average of 8 joints and that was when I was by myself. Weekends and when I smoked with friends, my usage was up. This didn’t stop just because I gave my life to Jesus. I continued smoking pot and drinking for about a year and a half after I was saved. I did however, quit using men, partying and doing the bar scene.

When I quit using, it appeared as though it was a miracle, a deliverance; it looked like I just suddenly quit cold turkey. From 8 joints one day – to zero the next. But that wasn’t the case; Jesus had been working on me on the inside for the entire year and a half. I knew I wasn’t pleasing Him and I knew He wanted me to quit. I’d pray and tell Jesus that if I’m ever gonna quit, He’d have to do it for me, because I couldn’t do it alone. The thing is, I didn’t want to quit, I enjoyed it. I prayed that He would make me willing to be willing; and then allow Him to come in and do His work. I would always put this tag though on the end of those prayers and say “but please don’t get me busted!” Cause you know how God is and He works that way sometimes when we don’t get the message.

Well, one day, I heard a sermon and I knew it was time. (The sermon was called “Freeze Tag” and it was about the game of Freeze tag that you’ve maybe played when you were young. Whoever is “it” tags the other players and they are instantly frozen and they have to stay that way until one of the other players comes along and tags them – then they are no longer frozen. The sermon related that game to people who get frozen and stuck in certain patterns or behaviors in life. Frozen people in life stay that way until Jesus comes along and touches them and then they’re no longer frozen. That was me, and that was what I needed…I needed a touch from Jesus) I knew God was speaking through my Pastor directly to me in that sermon. But, I didn’t quit that day, or the next day which was Monday. I was gonna to call my Pastor and realized that Monday was his day off and so Tuesday I called him and I told him everything = I just spilled it all out to him and he was so gracious! We prayed together and that was the last day I used drugs.

So, there is hope. Isaiah 59:1 says “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear” Surely His arm is not too short to save – he can reach you no matter where you are. If you cry out to him, he will hear you (his ear is not dull) and he will reach you – no matter how far you’ve fallen.

I’ll leave you with this: taken from Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit..”

Our God is a God of hope and we can overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Freeze Tag

(Please see my article “He Touched Me” for part one.)

One Sunday my Pastor’s sermon was called “Freeze Tag”. When you were a kid, did you ever play the game freeze tag? It’s just like playing tag, one person is “it” and runs around, trying to tag the others, the only difference is once you are tagged, you must freeze in that position. You remain that way until one of the other people that aren’t “it” come and touch you and unfreeze you, then you are free to run around again. Well my life related to this game of freeze tag, as I’m sure many other’s do. At a point in my life I was touched and frozen. The part of me that was frozen didn’t grow up and also didn’t want to feel because of the pain I was trying to avoid. I needed to find ways to numb my feelings. People get frozen for different reasons, either for one reason or for a combination of reasons. I think mine was a combination. I had really low self-esteem and self worth; I had what I call a “soil of shame” and a “root of rejection”. These were brought into my life for various reasons.

“…For you shall forget the shame of your youth…” Isaiah 54:4

When I heard the sermon Freeze Tag something happened inside of me. Monday, I decided to quit smoking pot, I was going to call my Pastor and speak with him about the sermon and realized Monday was his day off. I didn’t call him that day and I didn’t quit drugs, but I did only smoke one joint (instead of the usual 8!). Tuesday came and I got up my nerve and called my Pastor. He was so gracious! I poured it all out, I told him all the things I was ashamed of and how helpless I was to stop on my own. I just wanted to live for Jesus-completely! He talked to me about my concerns of quitting and starting a new life, he prayed with me and that was the day I quit!

“Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].” James 5:16 AMP

Once you’re frozen in life, you need a touch to get defrosted just like in the game. The difference being in the game anyone other than the person that is “it” can touch you, but in life, it has to be Jesus. He comes and touches that frozen part of you and you’re defrosted. That part of you is now allowed to grow and to feel. It’s a difficult process. Even if you are supernaturally delivered like I was from the addictive substance, there are still a lot of things you have to do in the aftermath of it. For me, the part that was frozen was my emotions; I truly didn’t know how to feel, or what I was feeling. Making decisions was hard; I didn’t know what my opinions were. I cried very easily because my emotions were right on the surface. I wasn’t used to feeling, so when I did feel it was really intense.

“Now Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And there was a woman there who for eighteen years had had an infirmity caused by a spirit (a demon of sickness). She was bent completely forward and utterly unable to straighten herself up or to look upward. And when Jesus saw her, He called (her to Him) and said to her, Woman, you are released from your infirmity! Then He laid (His) hands on her and instantly she was made straight, and she recognized and thanked and praised God.” Luke 13:10-13 AMP

This sums up how Jesus touched me. I was frozen in life always looking down, unable to look up because the things of the world held me in bondage. Jesus touched me and I wasn’t frozen any more, I could look up and see Jesus, look Him right in the eye and know that He loved me, He healed me from my infirmity!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows].” Psalm 147:3 AMP

Anyone can be used by Jesus to be “Jesus in the skin” to someone else, let Him use you today. Let Him use your former pain and shame to minister to others. Help Him set the captives free.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound” Isaiah 61:1 NKJV

“Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense…” Isaiah 61:7a AMP

“who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” II Corinthians 1:4 RSV
(Continued in my next article “The Battle Belongs to the Lord”)

12 Steps to Abundant Living

To “work the steps” the first time shows,
How far I have yet to go.
But, without the Lord walking me through
There isn’t much I can do.

With Him, is where I can be strong,
To really look at what is wrong.
And to realize how far I’ve come,
The “pit” He delivered me out from.

Step One, I realize the power I lack,
To get “the monkey” off my back.
It took the work on Step Two,
To know this is something I can’t do.

Step Three requires giving up control,
Turning over my life and soul
To my Lord who knows it all
With Him, I can tear down my wall.

Step Four is one that’s hard for me,
My character defects, I have to see,
My strengths I have to look at too,
With Jesus, this step, I’ll get through.

Step Five, I take my list from step four,
And reveal myself, down to the core.
To God, myself and someone I trust,
For healing this confession is a must.

Step Six to be willing from within
To let go of my defects and sin.
Step Seven; God, my mind renew,
Transform me to be like You.

Step Eight, I list those I’ve hurt,
And I pray not to feel like dirt.
Again, I need a willing heart,
To make amends and do my part.

I make direct amends to those people in Step Nine
After I do, I really feel Christ’s love shine.
Another personal inventory is Step Ten,
I feel like I’m doing step four again.

Step Eleven, I make Jesus my best friend
Pray for His will and strength to send
Step Twelve, I’m on fire to spread the news
So that others can experience Him too.

Step 6

My prayer is for a willing heart,
I believe that’s the place to start,
Make me willing from within,
To let go of my defects and sin.

To give them to you for you to heal,
Straight-up, no strings, without a deal.
My previously developed coping skills
I now exchange for Your will.

Mold me, shape me and purify me,
Put me through the refiner’s fire.
To live a life like Jesus Christ,
This is my true desire.

The process is painful, this I know,
But, serenity is on the other side,
Your blessings You freely bestow,
To those willing to give up their pride.

Pity Party

In times like these, I feel like such a misfit,
I wanna give up, throw in the towel and quit.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter what I do,
Some people just won’t like me, it’s true.

That familiar feeling returns, being sorry for myself,
Wanting to hide, withdraw and sit on a shelf.
I tell myself I’m a big girl, I can take it,
But my feelings well up and I can’t fake it.

I’m hurt, disappointed and needing to heal,
It’s easier to deny the feelings I feel.
Pain isn’t fun, but I know God uses it for my good,
He’ll hold my Hand And walk me through it, like only He could.

.

My Love Letter to Jesus

Jesus:

I love you like no other! I treasure Your creation – the sunset I’m watching across the frozen lake is so awesome. But, it doesn’t even compare to You. You’ve done so many wonderful things for me. I will serve You with all of my days. You loved me when I felt I was unlovable, You cared for me and protected me when I thought no one did, or would. When I was at my lowest, feeling like the biggest failure, You thought I was precious and beautiful. It seems everyone I knew had betrayed me and abandoned me at some point, but You never did. You were there waiting for me to love You all those years that I wanted nothing to do with You. And, when I returned, You welcomed me back with open arms! I’m continually amazed and blessed at your forgiveness, compassion and mercy. I love You with all my heart. All my everything – I give to You.

The sun is setting now and the colors are beyond description. I’ve always felt You the most in nature. The beauty, the colors, the sounds and smells. It’s all a beautiful, wonderful miracle. The wildlife is so unique, the deer, so gentle, the eagle, so strong and free. Jesus, I know I’m far more worthy and valuable to You than the animals and You take such good, loving care of them. Lord, I want to live a life like Jesus did on earth. I want to walk in love.

I thank You, praise You and worship You. I thank you for loving me and for allowing me to feel Your presence surrounding me. Bless You Lord; bless you friend, and forever I am grateful. Bless You King, bless you Savior, bless You lover of my soul.

You have loved me with a love like no other. I’m grateful, joyful—the feelings and emotions are beyond words. I love being married to You. You are always there for me.

The sun is gone, but the colors remain, blaze orange, rose and pink through the sky and clouds. WOW! To share a sunset in Your presence is so pleasing.

Thank You for the passion and hunger that You’ve given me for You. I truly feel special that You’ve chosen me! You’ve chosen to bless me with really great gifts! The ministry of poem writing blows me away! I don’t know why You chose me for that, and I quit trying to figure it out, I just enjoy it and all the rest You’ve blessed me with. The gift of an encourager, leader and administration. Wow! I’m excited to see where You’re going to take me. I’m thrilled to be growing with You and in You. You continually surprise me with Your wonderful blessings and kindness.

Thanks for the sacrifice You made on the cross for ME! I will be a living sacrifice for You. Use me, as You will.

I’m anticipating a wonderful journey and I know You’ll be there for it all and if I fall, You’ll pick me up, hold me, comfort me and direct my path and make it smooth. You’ve given me such wonderful promises and I claim them all.

I know You’ll put spiritual friends in my life of your choosing and a mentor as well. Train me to encourage and mentor others in the future to help others to be spiritually strong and mature.

With all my love, heart, soul, body, mind and emotions.

I’m yours!

Love Deb