Grief

Grief looks different on everyone
For me, it took six months to come
It’s so late that it somehow seems wrong
That these feelings would be so strong

Not that grief wasn’t there right away
But it didn’t hang around to stay
Now it’s as if it’s part of me
Death is in everything I see

I was away from home without a lifeline
My mom played that role all the time
The extent of my loss became crystal clear
It’s sad to let go of my mother so dear

Jesus Loves Us in Unique and Special Ways

Wednesday I had a doctor’s appointment that I hadn’t really been looking forward to. (Although, who ever looks forward to doctor appointments?) Tuesday two friends of mine prayed for me and Wednesday when I woke up I was calm and peaceful; I was ready to go.

I always look on the top of the street light poles for red tail hawks and when I see one, I think it’s from Jesus. I think He’s giving me a special “hello, I see you, you’re mine” that day. Well, this day, as we’re driving to my appointment, I see a Bald Eagle on top of the street light pole!

Bald Eagles have always been very special to me. They’ve always been a sign, like a special gift from Jesus to me. There are times I ask to see them (and deer) when I’m up north and whenever I do, I thank Jesus right away and I marvel at their beauty and majesty. They mean freedom, strength, power, protection, beauty, peace, joy, watching over me and that everything will be OK. They are really majestic to me. Well, this day when I saw one; (IN THE CITY!!!) I knew Jesus was with me in a very special way.

I’m so thankful that I have a Lord and Savior who cares about me personally, who sees me, knows my name and loves me in a very unique and special way.

Mercy Me

The last month or so I’ve noticed a change in me, God is working on the inside of me and I’m changing. I’ve never been one who had the gift of mercy but lately it seems as though it’s coming up in me quite frequently.

I’ve noticed I get to the point of tears when I go to the balcony at church and look over the people down below. I see the “big picture” and my heart breaks for the ones who are hurting or don’t know Jesus. This is quite unusual for me to say the least. It is a powerful image from the balcony for me – I went there again today and the same thing happened. I prayed and cried for Jesus to work and heal His children. I watched them take communion and kneel at the cross, it was so moving to me. I prayed for the lost, the least and the hurting.

I just seem to want to help people. I am a co-leader of a small group in Celebrate Recovery and the people there are hurting and struggling. Many times before in my life I would get impatient with people who didn’t get it together. I wouldn’t feel sorry for the homeless – instead I just wouldn’t notice them or just excuse it away and think they brought it on themselves, etc. I know it’s been wrong for me to feel that way. Recently, I’ve prayed a prayer I didn’t have the nerve to pray before and that is: “Jesus make me like you. Make me love what you love and hurt over what you hurt over.” And he’s changing me!

Today what really struck me is I realized I can’t wait to leave this fallen world and fall into my Savior’s arms. I just want to see Him face to face, to be with Him in eternity. This is a new thought and feeling for me. I’ve not wanted this before in such a real way.

I want Jesus to be my center, the core of my being and to live out of that place. I want to live life intentionally, to be present to each and every person I’m around and to reflect Jesus to them in a real way.

Lisa

Lisa, to so many, you’ve meant so much
Everyone you know has received your touch
You show Jesus to the masses
Whether doing announcements
Or teaching classes

You call me to a deeper level of living
By watching you and seeing your giving
Your humble spirit and tender heart
Convict me to do my part

To live out of that place deep inside
That is present to people and doesn’t hide
To love people well and share the truth
Of God, there is no greater proof

Even when life’s seasons change
There’s one thing that still remains
Even though we’re miles apart
We can still be close in our heart.

Even the Rocks Cry Out

“You are beautiful beyond description,
too wonderful for words,
too marvelous for comprehension,
like nothing ever seen or heard;
who can grasp Your infinite wisdom,
who can fathom the depths of Your love,
You are beautiful beyond description,
majesty enthroned above.

And I stand, I stand in awe of You,
I stand, I stand in awe of You,
holy God to whom all praise is due,
I stand in awe of You…”

God shows Himself to me (us) through nature and His creation:

“Since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature–have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” Romans 1:19-20

I thought about how His creation worships Him:

“When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen: “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!” Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!” “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19:37-40

I felt as though the “stones/rocks were crying out” the rocks were worshiping Jesus with all their beauty and majesty.

I thought about Matt Redman’s song “Shine”

“Lord we have seen the rising sun, awakening the early dawn,
And they’re rising up to give You praise.
Lord we have seen the stars and moon, see how they shine,
They shine for You,
And You’re calling us to do the same.
So we rise up with a song, and we rise up with a cry
And we’re giving You our lives.”

The rising sun is rising up to give Jesus praise, and He’s calling us to do the same. The sun worships Jesus, all creation worships Jesus. Jesus created what makes Him happy; He created what’s beautiful in His sight.

“You make everything glorious; I am yours—what does that make me?” David Crowder.

Jesus created the sun, the beautiful rocks and both are crying out to Him, praising and worshiping Him. He creates what He loves; He creates things for His pleasure, so He can enjoy them. Just as humans create things that give them pleasure, things they like…

Jesus created me! I give Him pleasure; He loves me and enjoys me! I was crying out with those rocks, I was worshiping right along with them and I thought maybe they were doing a better job than I was. I was left breathless, awe struck with these thoughts. I was speechless and humbled and had tears in my eyes…the thought of worshiping my Lord along with the rocks and sun that were worshiping Him too!

What a wonderful day with my Jesus!

A Father’s Love

If God is everywhere, why is it so much easier for me to see Him in nature? In nature, water, trees, rocks, animals; God’s fingerprints are all over! I hear His voice as it rustles the leaves in the trees, I can hear the wind coming from a long way off and it travels across the woods, getting louder and louder and finally it reaches me and my hair starts to blow and I feel the wind on my face. I know it’s God. The sun as it dances on the water, the sparkles it makes; I see God. I hear Him in the cry of the Loon as it echoes across the lake, the splash of the water against the rocks on shore. I see Him in the deer that comes out of the woods to the water to drink in the morning or when it’s standing along side the road. I feel Him in the canoe, gliding silently across the water. I hear Him in the silence. I see Him in the ferns that grow in the woods, the wild flowers along the water and the road. I see Him in the huge trees reaching up to the sky, the awesome rocks that are everywhere; the sky so blue, really blue, the white clouds huge and puffy floating along the sky, the blue of the water. The stars at night, so many yet He named each of them and He knows their names! He holds them in space and doesn’t let them fall or run into each other. I gaze and see stars and then look deeper and there are more, deeper still there are more, there are so many some are bright and twinkling, others are so small, some are so close to the tops of the trees, they look as though they are just hanging in space; and they are! I can see the galaxies, the milky ways where the stars are so close together, yet so far away; it looks like white is smeared across the night sky. I think about so many centuries ago people studied the stars and found the big dipper, little dipper, north star, etc. and today we can still see those same constellations, they haven’t changed! God keeps them, He made them, He put them where He wanted them to be and He keeps them. Just like us. He knows my name! He made me, He put me where He wanted me to be; in this generation, in my family, with my parents, the City I live in, it was all ordained and pre-planned by Him when He put me here; and He will keep me. What a thought!

I’ve been observing my husband Bill and how he wants to share who he is with his daughter, Stefanie. It reminds me of one of the first thoughts I used to have when discovering something new or visiting one of my old favorites, was the desire to share it with Tanya’s (my niece) kids. I wanted them to know me by knowing and experiencing what has formed me, what I like, what I consist of, what moves me at the core of me. They even caught on to it when I brought them to Duluth, Matthew looked at me and said “you just like to show us stuff that you like, don’t you?” Out of the mouths of babes! Yes, that was exactly right! So, I’ve been seeing Bill do that. Nature, seclusion, beauty, canoeing, hiking, etc. is a big part of who he is at the core and he wants to show it to Stef and share it with her, to have her experience it. It means so much to him.

I think God is like that; He loves me and wants to share with me who He is, what He consists of and what He loves. But, He is so big and since I’m human, I can’t possibly wrap my brain around all that He is and all He consists of. But, He shows me who He is at His core, His beauty, by showing me the part of Him I have my eyes open to. He shows me through the things I love, like nature and animals, seclusion, simplicity. And when my eyes are open, I see! It’s so true when we seek we will find. When I look, I see. He wants to show me who He is and wants to share Himself with me, but He can only do that when my eyes are open. Like with Bill and Stef, her eyes aren’t open to what Bill wants to show her, she just sees the surface of this and is bored; trees, rocks, water, gravel roads, all of them look the same to her and there is no drama here, it’s boring. It’s all the same. She doesn’t see what Bill wants to show her, she doesn’t see her Dad in all of this, and she doesn’t see God, her eyes aren’t open. But her eyes are open elsewhere, in the City, the concrete jungle. That’s God too, it’s just harder for me to see Him there.

God’s Gift

The Lord sent me a Valentine,
Whose love forever will be mine.
He will mold and shape us into one,
And guide our steps with His Son.

I never thought I’d learn to trust,
Or experience love instead of lust,
God worked to soften both our hearts,
And then our love got it’s start.

You look in my eyes and I begin to melt,
And feel these feelings I’ve never felt.
Bill, you’re God’s gift in this life of mine,
My true love, my soul mate, my Valentine.

God’s Presence

Where are I and God in relation to each other right now?

This is the question that was presented to our women’s morning group today. The way I answered is:

I know God is near, yet I don’t feel or hear Him.

I’m not really doing my part…I ask for a heart that desires and craves His word, yet I don’t pick up my Bible very often (once/week other than Sunday).

I notice my prayer time is mostly “thank you” and requests. I don’t really talk to Him all day as once I did.

I am pumping sermons into my head as not before though. (3/day)
I do want to walk every step with Jesus. I notice I’m changing; I pray more for people that I criticize first (drivers etc.)

He’s there and I’m there, maybe it’s just the “feeling” that is not so strong. (Feelings are fickle…) I think I need structure with study.

Then after the speaker taught some more, the next time for us to think and talk to God and journal about was:
Where do I experience God? How does that feel?

The way I answered is:

I just realized that all I wrote on the previous question is NOT TRUE!!! God is here! We are close! I was longing for the honeymoon that we had before (Grace Church era), but I will not get that! God and I are maturing in our relationship and just like a marriage, it gets more comfortable, the giddiness is gone but the love and presence in each other’s being is deeper!

I just went through the lump on my breast thing and I KNOW that God was there, and I was present to Him and He was present to me the entire time. From the time I first found out and up to and the actual Dr appt itself.

God is with me, we do communicate and we are intimate! I’m not worried, anxious or lonely in my new retirement because in it all I am present with God. I am not as critical with people because God is present to me! It’s just different.

Thank you Jesus! What a blessing! I see you in so many places: outside, in animals, weather, trees, my husband, music, getting parking places, etc.

Being in God’s presence feels like home to me, it is so comfortable and ordinary in my life that I now am so used to it I thought it wasn’t there, just because it wasn’t this elated, joyful, bubbly thing (like new love is—Honeymoon), it’s not gone or far off, it is just deeper and part of me!