Allowed to Hunger

Deuteronomy 8:2-3.

The setting: Israel is at the Jordan River preparing to cross over into the Promised Land. The people of Israel had come full circle. They had been here before and had made a choice not to trust and believe God. They chose to believe man–the 10 spies that said they couldn’t make it in the new, promised land. Because of their choice, God made them wander in the wilderness for 40 years. The adults would miss out on the Promised Land and the children would have to wait forty years to enter in.

During that 40 years God provided for them. Here in Deuteronomy, they are remembering their wilderness experience.

“And you shall [earnestly] remember all the way which the Lord your God led you these 40 years in the wilderness, to humble you and to prove you, to know what was in your [mind and] heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. And He humbled you and allowed you to hunger and fed you with manna….” Deuteronomy 8:2-3a

God does this in my life. He allows me to hunger so He can feed me. He allows me to ______ so He can __________me. I can fill in these blanks with so many things. God has allowed me to feel pain so He can heal me. He allowed me to feel lonely so He could keep me company. He allowed me to cry so He could give me comfort. There are so many things I have gone through that in hindsight I can see how God used each and every one of them. He uses them for different reasons, sometimes so I will find Him and ask Him into my life and other times to call me into a new place in my life, or to call me back to Him.

What God doesn’t do, is to use these sins and choices of mine to punish me. He never gives me what I deserve in regards to my sin, if He did, I would be dead. He is a merciful God and He gives me grace, love and forgiveness.

“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” Psalm 103.10

The other part of the verse…”to humble and to prove you, to know what was in your [mind and] heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” Deuteronomy 8

I believe it is in our trials that our true character shows. Some people I have known go right back to their former lives when hard times come. If they were addicted to something in the past, that’s right where they go. Other people I have known really press into God, small groups and community when they encounter trials. This is one way for God to know our true heart. It’s also how God develops us into maturity.

“He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness.” Hebrews 12:10b

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

He disciplines us for our good that we may share His holiness. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want. I want His holiness. I want perseverance to finish its work in me so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I want to bring God glory in all I do, say, think and feel.

So, my friends when you encounter difficulties remember; God allows you to hunger so He can feed you. He wants nothing more than for us to share His holiness. We are created in His image and we have the Holy Spirit inside of us and Jesus walks beside us every step of the way. Trust Him and believe Him, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, He will not leave us or forsake us. He will not fail us. Where ever He brings us, He can keep us. He will feed us.

No Place to Move

There are times in my life that are like chapters in a book. My life is a book and the different seasons are the chapters. The one I just came out of seems to be one that was titled “no place to move”. I have learned very many things. God seemed to be taking
a jackhammer to my life. He jack hammered everything except one spot to stand, and that spot was “the rock”. That was Jesus Christ, my Lord.

I thought I was doing well, that I was OK. But, in reality, I had drifted so far from where I wanted to be, from where I used to be, from where I should be. I was so close to Jesus and somehow I got so far away from Him. I don’t even know how it happened. Oh, yes I do. But, this is in hindsight. I guess I knew how it happened at the time too, but it was happening so slowly, I thought I could handle it and not let it affect me. I thought I would still stay close to Jesus even though I was doing and allowing things into my life He wouldn’t approve of. I was being deceived. I fell for the lies.

I don’t know where to start with my story, I guess it was when I got a divorce and turned to a friend, a guy in jail. I met him doing prison ministry and he was transformed by Jesus. When he got out, he had no place to go and couldn’t go back to his old life and that was all he knew, so I allowed him to move in with me. This went on for years. I was still in the Word, but not as close as I wanted to be to Jesus.

I had worked at my job since 1977; I had plans for retiring there. I worked for a place that was “30 years and out”, I could retire in 2006 at the age of 46. As I went through the years, I formulated a plan. It included having my house and car paid off several years before retirement and then I would get involved in some kind of ministry.

Well I learned “man plans his way, but God directs his path”. I had all these plans and God just jack hammered around and everything in my life that I was counting on and standing on, crumbled. I lost my job, had to refinance my house and put the car payment on the mortgage, now I was up to 15 years again. My boyfriend had slipped badly, he was drinking a lot and I couldn’t even talk to him anymore. He started out trying to help his sister get free from her habits and got into the same habits himself. Soon, he was doing crack and/or methamphetamine along with drinking. He wouldn’t come home for days and when he did, he would crash out on the couch for days, usually sick and always sleeping it off. He’d get some strength up, go to work and not come home for days again. God had jack hammered out my job, my money, my security, my boyfriend. All I had was Him. Oh, poor baby, all I had was God!

I was isolated. My Mom was the only human person I had in my life. She didn’t want the rest of my family to know I had been fired, so she didn’t tell them and I didn’t either. I didn’t want Mom to be exposed as a liar. What a place to be. The shame I carried was the most unbearable part of this time in my life.

I prayed and asked God to show me how I should spend my time with Him. I knew I needed to lean into Him heavily. It seemed as though He led me to this verse: “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be given unto you”. Matt 7:33. So, I spent my days studying righteousness and God’s Kingdom.

For the next year, I was out of a job and fighting for my old job back. I was given unemployment and then it was taken away and I was told I would have to pay back the benefits that I had received so far. It seemed as though things were getting worse instead of better. But, I kept pressing into God and believing that He was all I needed. I continually told God how good He was to me and that if He didn’t do it; it wouldn’t get done. I was in His plan and His will – I had given up mine. I practiced the presence of God in all I did to the best of my ability.

God gave me many other verses and I loved my time in the word. For some time, I memorized one verse a week. I found these verses helped me when I couldn’t sleep. I would wake up at 3:30 every morning and was unable to get back to sleep as I was worried, when I started reciting the verses – I would get back to sleep instantly. There were so many things that I learned during this time of my life. It was the biggest trial and yet it was the time that I learned and changed the most. Thinking back on it now, I see so much that I experienced and learned. I am so much better today because of this time in my life. There was so much, I can’t even contain it all in a single writing.

I learned how to manage and minimize my worrying and anxiety, get closer to my family, trust God in everything – even the things that in the natural seem impossible. I learned humility and to look to God for my purpose and worth in life.

God has blessed me beyond all I could think, ask or imagine since then –I have been transformed by this trial and I am thankful for it.

My prayer is that I can hang on to the things I learned and not have to repeat them like the Israelites going around that mountain again and again. I pray that I continually trust God and have a desperate desire to stay in His word and His presence. To know that I can’t do it – if He doesn’t do it; it won’t get done. He is the author of my life and He will be the finisher of it.

“When I said, my foot is slipping, Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, held me up.
In the multitude of my [anxious] thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!” Psalm 94:18-19 AMP

Open My Eyes

While on the mountain with His disciples surrounding Him, He asked Philip, “Where shall we get bread, that these many (referring to the crowd) might eat?” Jesus asked Philip as he was from Bethsaida (about 9 miles away) and if any of the disciples would know, it would be him. Jesus already knew what He was going to do, but was testing Philip to strengthen his faith. Philip answered Jesus saying “Two hundred denarii (pieces of silver) isn’t enough to buy bread for each person to get a piece.”

Andrew, one of the disciples said to Jesus, “There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are they among so many?”

Jesus said “Have the people sit down”. He took the bread, and when He had given thanks, handed the bread to the disciples, and the disciples distributed it to those sitting down; and likewise of the fish, as much as they wanted. When they were filled, He said to His disciples, “Gather up the fragments that remain, so that nothing is lost.” The disciples gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with the fragments, which were left over by those who had eaten.

I see several things going on here:

• Jesus was teaching the disciples that financial resources are not the most important and human ways of thinking and doing only limits God. There is no limit to what God can do.
• The disciples certainly had more resources than the boy did, but the disciples knew they didn’t have enough, so they didn’t give anything at all. The boy gave what little he had and it made all the difference.
• Things have a certain value when they are in our hands, but once we give them to Jesus, they take on a different value. Even if what we have is small; Jesus can take it and turn it into something great.
• Jesus prefers to work through people.
• Jesus gave thanks for the food, but gave it to the disciples to distribute to the crowd. Jesus uses people that humble themselves to serve.
• Jesus had the disciples collect the fragments so that none would be wasted. Jesus gives in abundance and He values even the broken fragments.

Here’s a poem about being stewards and servants:
OPEN MY EYES

Lord open my eyes so I can see,
That all I have, You’ve given me.
The job I go to every day,
The car I take along the way.

Friends of mine, both far and near,
My family that I hold so dear.
My body, money and my home,
All of these are mine on loan.

You’ve given them to me to use,
But, they really do belong to You.
You give and I receive,
Then I pass on to others in need.

Making Excuses to God

It was a day just like any other day, except it was really hot and humid. I came home from work, laid underneath my ceiling fan and put in a movie. It wasn’t too long and I got a call from the Pastor of my old church. He and I had been really close, I was the church secretary and we would spend a lot of time talking. He was there for me the first few years of my Christian life and got me going on the right path.

He called wanting to know if he could refer someone to me that is going through a time in their life like what I went through in my past. He wanted me to share and minister to this person. I felt honored, that God wanted to use me in this person’s life. All the pain, heartache and struggles that I went through were not in vain. God is going to use those to help others in need! I love to minister to others, to see someone who is hurting and struggling find hope and healing. There is no greater joy than to watch that transformation happen.

As we were talking, we were catching up on each other’s lives. I updated him on a few things and he asked me questions that no one has asked me lately. Things like: How do you feel about that? Where are you in your walk with God? How is your soul? After I got off the phone I got thinking about his questions.

I am the kind of person that needs a sounding board, someone just to listen to me as I talk about my feelings, emotions and thoughts. It helps me to figure out what’s really going on. If it’s ok, I’d like to use this forum as my “sounding board”.

I realize that I am at a place in my life that I’m making excuses to God for my sins. I’m not being accountable or responsible for the way that I’m living. I am blaming my past experiences for my current behavior and choices. I really love God and want to be obedient, but, I am afraid to do what I know is right. I don’t trust my discernment and my ability to make right choices.so I am currently living with my boyfriend and I know that I should marry him, we talk about it, but yet due to a previous marriage/divorce I am afraid to make that step. We both love God and have given our lives to Him. My boyfriend has a history of DWI’s and addiction, I have a history of addictions as well. I’ve been straight for almost 5 years and never have slipped. He’s had a slip just recently and is in the workhouse serving time for a DWI. I know that God has gotten his attention and is working on him.

I got delivered from my addictions by God in a supernatural way, and have a hard time remembering that some people have to be healed step by step. I know that we are transformed from glory to glory, and I need to have the grace, mercy and patience to allow God to know the timing that is needed for each individual. This is a learning experience for me because my deliverance was immediate. It was a miracle in my life. I know that God is using my boyfriend (and maybe this other person that my Pastor is referring to me) to teach me the various ways that God works.

The Bible says “Not that I have now attained (this ideal), or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me his own. I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own (yet); but one thing I do (it is my one aspiration): forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the (supreme and heavenly) prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.” Philippians 3:12-14 (AMP). Also, “Therefore, if any person is in Christ he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old (previous moral and spiritual condition) has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!” II Corinthians 5:17 (AMP). Both of these verses tell me that I am not to look at the past to get a picture of the future. The past is exactly that, the past. Joyce Meyer (spiritual teacher and conference leader) often says that the way you start is not as important as the way that you finish and the start does not make or break you at the finish when it comes to spiritual matters. God can and does transform everyone and anyone.

The Bible also tells me “Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom) And all of us, as with unveiled face, (because we) continued to behold (in the Word of God) as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; (for this comes) from the Lord (Who is) the Spirit.” II Corinthians 3:17-18.(AMP) Also, “”Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” Romans 12:2. These verses tell me that we are changed from “glory to glory” and by the renewing of our minds. I know that this is true, my anniversary for being straight is in August and it will be 5 years. I think of how far I’ve come and I’m amazed. God is truly an Awesome God.

Thank you for allowing me to use this as a sounding board, I pray that this article has given you something to think about in your own life. If you are like me and using excuses for your sin or using your past to judge the future, join me in trusting the future to God, trusting our own and other’s transformations to God, (nothing is too big for Him!), confessing and repenting our sins, knowing that God will be and always has been faithful. He is there for us, He loves us and we CAN trust Him.

Bless you.

Walk on Water

Jesus walked out on the water,
said take courage, it is me.
Peter trusted and he wanted to go further,
so he stepped out on the sea.

If I keep my eyes on Jesus, I can walk on water.

Just like Peter I want to go further,
tread on the sea and walk on the water,
step where He steps and go where He goes,
side by side when the sea billows roll,
it’ll be all right when the wind comes,
be all right when the waves come crashing,
I’m not afraid, no, no,
for this is my Father’s world.

Audio Adrenaline “Walk on Water”
To me, this is the basis of the Christian life. If we keep our focus on Jesus, we can do anything. We are safe, whether the sea billows roll, wind comes, waves are crashing, nothing matters if we are focused, intently focused on Jesus.

“The boat was by this time out on the sea, many furlongs (a furlong is about 1/8 of a mile) distant from the land, beaten and tossed by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch (between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m.) of the night, Jesus came to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified and said, “It is a ghost!” And then screamed out with fright. But instantly He spoke to them, saying, “Take courage! I AM! Stop being afraid!” And Peter answered Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” He said “Come!” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and he came toward Jesus. But when he perceived and felt the strong wind, he was frightened, and as he began to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me (from death)!” Instantly Jesus reached out His hand and caught and held him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat knelt and worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God!” Matthew 14:24-33

There are times in my life when I feel like my boat is being tossed by the waves and the wind is against me. When struggles come, it is never just one thing that I have to deal with, it is always several. Just like the disciples, they were being tossed around and the wind was against them, but on the 4th watch Jesus came walking across the water to their boat. What strikes me, is that Jesus waited until the 4th watch, He had been on the shore praying, He knew what the weather was like and yet He waited until the 4th watch to go to them. We need to never give up hope, Jesus will come to us, but it will be in His time. His time is perfect, there are times that He allows us to be in the storm for awhile. I imagine that the disciples were not just sitting in the boat and waiting for Jesus to come, I think that they were busy trying to save themselves. Busy trying to steady the boat and to navigate through the waves to shore. Probably by the time the 4th watch came, they were pretty exhausted, they had been fighting this storm for quite some time, and the waves were beating against them.

We need to remember that right before the disciples got into the boat, they had just witnessed and been a part of a tremendous miracle. Jesus had just fed 5,000 men, not including women and children with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and they had 12 baskets full of the broken pieces left over! Now, here they are, many hours later and they are fighting the weather in the boat.

When the disciples saw Jesus coming toward them on the water, they thought that it was a ghost. They didn’t even think that Jesus could possibly be out there walking, they thought that it must be a ghost, it couldn’t be a person, they started screaming! Jesus called out to them to calm them and told them to take courage, I AM! Well, it seems that they still had some doubts, so leave it to Peter to speak up. Peter called out to Jesus and asked Jesus to make it possible for him to walk out to Jesus. Sure enough, Jesus commanded Peter to join Him on the sea.

The words of the song, “Peter wanted to go further, so he stepped out on the sea”. I love that, I want to go further, but it’s not going to happen in the safety of the boat. The other disciples, even though the boat was rocking and they were afraid, they chose to be in the boat rather than take their chances on the water with Jesus. Like the title of John Ortberg’s latest book “If You Want to Walk on Water, You Have to Get Out of the Boat”. Jesus calls us to go further, to come out on the water with Him. It requires trust and faith to take that step, a knowing that anything and everything is possible if we are in joint partnership with Jesus.

When we do muster up our faith and step out of the boat, just like Peter, we still need to keep our eyes on Jesus, more than ever we have to hold that focus. If we don’t, the things around us may appear very large and frightening. Peter looked around, he lost his focus on Jesus for just a moment and that’s all it took. He saw the large waves, he felt the strong wind, he was frightened and he began to sink. That’s what will happen to us if we break our focus on Jesus for just one moment, we will start to sink.

Jesus is there for us when we sink, and all we have to do is get our eyes back on Him and call out to Him and He will stretch out His hand, catch us and hold us. For it is a promise that when we seek Him, and we seek Him with our whole heart, we will find Him. I find much comfort in that.