Why Me?

Years before I retired I began dreaming and wondering what I could do for Jesus after I retired. I started praying for Jesus to prepare me for what He had for me and then to place me there after retirement. When my retirement time came, I continued to pray for Jesus to use me and to place me where He wanted me to be. Several things happened as a result of these prayers.

First, nothing happened. But, I wanted my first year off anyway so that was expected; it was part of my plan as well. I used that time to be in women’s bible studies, journal, read, study, write, set up my web site and to just rest, watch movies, do things around the house, etc. I applied for and received a backup receptionist job at my church about 5 months into retirement. Then, about 8-9 months into my retirement, things really started to move. I received an email from church asking if I was interested in being part of the recovery ministry that they were starting. There were several positions to consider. I went to the meeting and after the meeting my husband Bill and I signed up to be small group leaders. I prayed about it and spoke to a spiritual director at a retreat I attended about it, and it seemed to be from God and the way He works in my life.

Very shortly after (10+ months after retiring) one of the Executive Leaders at church offered me a job. I met with him and found out all the details, he set up a job interview and I accepted the job on an interim basis. This started me thinking—why me? What is it about this job that I am the one to be filling the position? It was very clear to me that this came from God; this is where He wants me to be, but why?

I don’t think it’s because what I have to bring to the job – although that’s certainly part of it, but there are many other people with the skills and talents to lead this ministry, so why me? If it’s not just what I have to bring to the ministry, then what else could it be? It could be what the ministry has to bring to me. Somehow I am being refined by this ministry. I am being changed. God has something here for me, something that I need to receive and become.

This ministry is stretching me, I’m not good at recruiting and coming out of my shell to meet, know and lead people and this is something I have to do. There are teams of people I need to team up with; I need to know them, not just their names. I need to find others who can come into these teams and welcome them and help them feel like they belong, like they fit. I can no longer hide and think people don’t like me; that they don’t want to talk to me, etc. I need to be the leader.

At Passion ‘07 there were two leaders of our section of the Touch Team; one was shy and wishy/washy, a people pleaser type; the type that probably thinks people don’t want to talk to him, etc. The stronger leader who spoke clearly and told us the way it was, directed us to what we had to do, he was the better leader. I could clearly see the better leader from the follower’s point of view. Now, I have to be that type of leader, not just be someone who’s in the background, not wanting to speak up and direct; being afraid that people won’t like me, that I will sound stupid or be a bother. I have to be a direct, sound, outspoken leader.

I can be this, I have it in me and God is calling it out of me.