Winter

Winter – I’ve always hated it. Well, maybe that’s a little bit strong. But, I really don’t ever remember liking it too much; even as a kid. Most kids love the snow and want to go outside and play in it. I don’t remember being like that; well, maybe I’m just too old to remember 🙂

Usually, all I do is complain about the cold, the snow and how dreadfully long it is. But, God is slowing changing me. The last few years haven’t been so bad for me. In fact – last year for my birthday I asked to go dog sledding in Ely. The temperature was -30 and that was without the wind chill. Yet, we went and we had a good time.

This year, I grieved the loss of summer and felt cheated because it seemed so short; but yet I find I’m not dreading the coming of winter. In fact, today I looked out the window at the trees and noticed that some of them have very little leaves left on them. I felt a peace, like nature is soon to be resting and with that rest comes renewal and a burst of energy in the spring. I feel like God is going to do that with me as well this year (well, that probably was His plan for me the other years too, but I resisted). I know that we need rejuvenation, rest, renewal, transformation and a burst of energy too, just like nature does.

So, this year; I’m not going to resist. I’m going to allow God to slow me down and do His renewal work in me as well. I’m going to view winter with new eyes this year. I’m at peace and I’m going to look for the beauty ‘cause it’s all part of the bigger picture and God’s plan.

There is Hope

I want to share with you that there is hope. When you’re a Child of God – there’s always hope! Paul says in Colossians 1:27 that we have Christ in us, the hope of glory. (Christ is in us and we can hope for glory – we can!)

I gave my life to Jesus when I was a young child in Sunday school and I fell away – badly when I got a little older. I gave my life to Jesus as an adult when I was 34. At that time, I had been using drugs for about 22 years and was in the process of my 3rd divorce.

I started using when I was barely 13; because I wanted to be grown up, wanted to fit in and just wanted to be cool. My oldest sister introduced me to cigarettes, drinking and pot – all in one night. I had been sexually abused by different men from the age of 11 or 12 until about 15. When I was 22, right after my first divorce my mom disowned me and I went into a downward spiral for the next 12 years.

I used men, a huge variety of drugs and partied whenever I could. My drug of choice was always pot, but also included cocaine for about 8 years. I did many other drugs in my life, but these two were my favorites. My goal was to be stoned from the time I got up in the morning until I passed out at night. In the morning when I was putting my make up on, I was smoking a joint; I smoked on the way to work, at work and on the way home and all night long. A typical day for me was an average of 8 joints and that was when I was by myself. Weekends and when I smoked with friends, my usage was up. This didn’t stop just because I gave my life to Jesus. I continued smoking pot and drinking for about a year and a half after I was saved. I did however, quit using men, partying and doing the bar scene.

When I quit using, it appeared as though it was a miracle, a deliverance; it looked like I just suddenly quit cold turkey. From 8 joints one day – to zero the next. But that wasn’t the case; Jesus had been working on me on the inside for the entire year and a half. I knew I wasn’t pleasing Him and I knew He wanted me to quit. I’d pray and tell Jesus that if I’m ever gonna quit, He’d have to do it for me, because I couldn’t do it alone. The thing is, I didn’t want to quit, I enjoyed it. I prayed that He would make me willing to be willing; and then allow Him to come in and do His work. I would always put this tag though on the end of those prayers and say “but please don’t get me busted!” Cause you know how God is and He works that way sometimes when we don’t get the message.

Well, one day, I heard a sermon and I knew it was time. (The sermon was called “Freeze Tag” and it was about the game of Freeze tag that you’ve maybe played when you were young. Whoever is “it” tags the other players and they are instantly frozen and they have to stay that way until one of the other players comes along and tags them – then they are no longer frozen. The sermon related that game to people who get frozen and stuck in certain patterns or behaviors in life. Frozen people in life stay that way until Jesus comes along and touches them and then they’re no longer frozen. That was me, and that was what I needed…I needed a touch from Jesus) I knew God was speaking through my Pastor directly to me in that sermon. But, I didn’t quit that day, or the next day which was Monday. I was gonna to call my Pastor and realized that Monday was his day off and so Tuesday I called him and I told him everything = I just spilled it all out to him and he was so gracious! We prayed together and that was the last day I used drugs.

So, there is hope. Isaiah 59:1 says “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear” Surely His arm is not too short to save – he can reach you no matter where you are. If you cry out to him, he will hear you (his ear is not dull) and he will reach you – no matter how far you’ve fallen.

I’ll leave you with this: taken from Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit..”

Our God is a God of hope and we can overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

He I Am To Worship

I volunteered for the Passion Regional Conference in Chicago last weekend. I’ve volunteered for Passion Conferences in the past and loved it. I was on the Touch Team again and it’s the team that interacts with the students the most. The Touch Team is usually inside the arena to help students find seats, answer any questions they may have and assist them in any way. We – the volunteers are there to serve the Kingdom by serving the students. We are to be Jesus in the skin to them.

Well, I think I’m ready for this and I love to serve; it always has brought me joy in the past. The funny thing is this time, it was different – I was different. We started out doing the set up and getting ready for the conference – we arrived at 8 a.m. and the first session was at 7 p.m. I was assigned to help at registration from 2 until 5 in the afternoon. At 5:00 I was on the Touch Team. I was so excited and wanted to have a really good position. I told myself it was because I loved to interact with the students and I loved to serve God. At the meeting of the Touch Team we were told that the position we received for the first night was to be the same position we would hold for the entire conference. Well, my husband got put in a really good place and I ended up being assigned with another volunteer to stand by a barrier and not allow anyone who wasn’t a volunteer to go beyond it. This barrier was out in the concourse. I was so disappointed and angry. I didn’t want to be there, I was whining about everything: my back was going to hurt because I have to keep moving and this position was standing still; it was a stupid place to stand; it didn’t take two of us to guard this barrier; on and on I was complaining to myself. My feelings were taking over. I knew in my head that I was serving God no matter where I was assigned, but my emotions were not matching what I knew to be true. I prayed and thanked God for the opportunity to serve and I knew I was serving regardless of where I was and I praised Him for what He was going to do that weekend in the hearts of all the people attending. Even though I didn’t feel like saying the words, I said the words. I confessed that I was feeling selfish and didn’t want to feel that way but I needed help to get past this.

I wasn’t there too long and one of the leaders asked me to move to the next spot over and help a different volunteer to work the aisle in the arena and decide when to close that section and send everyone to the upper level. I was excited to do that, even though it wasn’t a good position either. I was mad at myself for not being up front of the group and taking one of the first positions that were given away; I was upset not to be where my husband was assigned.

We were told that the following day the 15 registration people would be joining the Touch Team. Well, my plan was to ask to be reassigned to be with my husband Bill now that we had more people and someone else could take my spot. I talked to Bill about it and he thought it was a great idea; he wanted to serve with me. Well, I asked and what happened was they switched Bill and the guy I was serving with the night before. So, the guy I was serving with got the good spot and Bill ended up in the crummy spot with me! I was really upset with myself for not getting myself out of that spot, but now I got Bill in there with me – I ruined it for him! He just takes it all in stride and he seems to be happy anywhere they put him. He’s so great – I can learn so much from him! The people that were on the end portal didn’t show up, one of them was to be on the meal team that morning and would be back after lunch; so they asked me and Bill to split up and he took the end portal and I stayed where I was. Meanwhile, I’m critiquing everything in my head – where are the 15 volunteers from registration? What about the meal team – where are they? (They were supposed to join the Touch Team in the afternoon) We should be doubled up all over the place and it seems like we have the same, if not less than before. The guy that was at the end portal the day before that had joined the meal team came back before the evening session and told us he was a “floater” we saw him just talking and wandering around on the floor and everywhere – it didn’t seem as though he was serving anywhere – just enjoying the conference. Well, seems as though everything was bothering me: I thought I lost $20 and I was flustered and upset, an intercessor that was praying over the seats before the building was open took my sweatshirt that I had saving my seat because she thought it was lost and found – that upset me. I just was miserable and not in the right place in my heart. I prayed and really focused and decided I was in a good spot, I could see just fine and this wasn’t about me.

Well, Louie did a sermon and he said many things that really spoke to me. He talked about people who to go church and complain all the way home about how they didn’t get anything out of the worship, etc. Well, the worship wasn’t for them, it was for God. That’s why we worship – it has nothing to do with what we get or don’t get out of it, we aren’t to be doing it for ourselves. He said as long as we are reacting like that in regards to anything…the worship, the sermon, etc., it shows that the filter or the lens we are viewing the world through is one that is all about ourselves. We need to get rid of that filter – we are not there for us. Why we are there is for God, whether we are attending or serving. Our service is worship to God, is it a sweet aroma in His nostrils? We go and we sing “Here I am to Worship”….when really, no we aren’t there to worship – at least not God we are there to please and feed and make our flesh happy.

Live in the Light

Today at church the sermon was about learning to live in the light. We’ve been in a series about the Way of the Rabbi and how we can follow Jesus, our Rabbi in our everyday life. The verse today’s message was focused on was “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” 1 John 1:7

What does walking in the light mean to me and you? James tells us that Jesus is “the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:17b. Jesus doesn’t change – he gives it to us straight, he isn’t like man, he is in the light and there is no darkness in him. He has no “shifting shadows” like man does, where we will say something and then we back out of it saying that’s not what we meant, or we were just kidding, etc. Jesus is what he is, he doesn’t wear a mask and hide and pretend to be something he isn’t; like we do sometimes.

In the sermon today, we were taught that living in the light isn’t just not telling lies, (insincere smiles, unfelt words, and plastic living — wearing a mask) it isn’t just telling the truth or owning our “stuff”, but it also means not hiding. We can hide and pretend to be something we’re not so people will like us and that’s darkness, that’s hiding. The more we hide the more it becomes a way of life for us; something natural that we do without thinking, we are learning how to lie, learning how to live in the darkness. It happens so gradually we really don’t realize how good we are at it and how much a part of us it has become. If we are not living in the light we are not having true fellowship or a relationship with anyone. The person our friends are in relationship with isn’t us; they are in relationship with the false self that we’ve been showing them.

It was communion weekend at church and we were invited to come to the table. We were asked to think about what the Rabbi is showing us as darkness in our lives. What are we not facing, hiding from or hiding behind, what are we not being truthful about? The prayer ministers were at the front of the church and we could go and confess to them during the communion time.

After the sermon, two people moved the cross from the side of the platform to the center of the floor in front to be accessible for anyone to come forward. The room got darker and two very bright lights lit up the cross. The cross was light. We could go forward to Jesus and be in the light if we needed to deal with some things we were hiding from. Jesus doesn’t shine the light on us; rather, He invites us into it. He does this not to embarrass or shame us but rather to heal, forgive, restore and cleanse us.

I love to watch and pray for people from the balcony, it provides the best “big picture” viewpoint. From the balcony I could see the brightness of the cross and there were many people who had gone forward to the cross. What struck me instantly was the light that was shining on the cross was really bright and it created a circle on the carpet around the cross and after the circle it was dark. The people that had gone forward had all stopped on the edge of the light and kneeled. It was so symbolic to me of how hard it is for people to be fully in the light. They approached the light and stopped as soon as they got there. It was too bright to just step into all at once. Healing is a process, most of the time it doesn’t just happen. From the balcony I stood there and prayed and I wasn’t even sure how to pray other than for Jesus to do his work with his children. His children that he loves so very much and wants to heal, forgive, deliver, restore and cleanse. I prayed for Jesus to bring them more fully into the light to call them closer to him and into the brightness of his light. I prayed they stay in the light and live in the light; to know that light isn’t something to fear because it reveals; but rather something to embrace because it brings life.

Mercy Me

The last month or so I’ve noticed a change in me, God is working on the inside of me and I’m changing. I’ve never been one who had the gift of mercy but lately it seems as though it’s coming up in me quite frequently.

I’ve noticed I get to the point of tears when I go to the balcony at church and look over the people down below. I see the “big picture” and my heart breaks for the ones who are hurting or don’t know Jesus. This is quite unusual for me to say the least. It is a powerful image from the balcony for me – I went there again today and the same thing happened. I prayed and cried for Jesus to work and heal His children. I watched them take communion and kneel at the cross, it was so moving to me. I prayed for the lost, the least and the hurting.

I just seem to want to help people. I am a co-leader of a small group in Celebrate Recovery and the people there are hurting and struggling. Many times before in my life I would get impatient with people who didn’t get it together. I wouldn’t feel sorry for the homeless – instead I just wouldn’t notice them or just excuse it away and think they brought it on themselves, etc. I know it’s been wrong for me to feel that way. Recently, I’ve prayed a prayer I didn’t have the nerve to pray before and that is: “Jesus make me like you. Make me love what you love and hurt over what you hurt over.” And he’s changing me!

Today what really struck me is I realized I can’t wait to leave this fallen world and fall into my Savior’s arms. I just want to see Him face to face, to be with Him in eternity. This is a new thought and feeling for me. I’ve not wanted this before in such a real way.

I want Jesus to be my center, the core of my being and to live out of that place. I want to live life intentionally, to be present to each and every person I’m around and to reflect Jesus to them in a real way.

Even the Rocks Cry Out

“You are beautiful beyond description,
too wonderful for words,
too marvelous for comprehension,
like nothing ever seen or heard;
who can grasp Your infinite wisdom,
who can fathom the depths of Your love,
You are beautiful beyond description,
majesty enthroned above.

And I stand, I stand in awe of You,
I stand, I stand in awe of You,
holy God to whom all praise is due,
I stand in awe of You…”

God shows Himself to me (us) through nature and His creation:

“Since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature–have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” Romans 1:19-20

I thought about how His creation worships Him:

“When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen: “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!” Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!” “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19:37-40

I felt as though the “stones/rocks were crying out” the rocks were worshiping Jesus with all their beauty and majesty.

I thought about Matt Redman’s song “Shine”

“Lord we have seen the rising sun, awakening the early dawn,
And they’re rising up to give You praise.
Lord we have seen the stars and moon, see how they shine,
They shine for You,
And You’re calling us to do the same.
So we rise up with a song, and we rise up with a cry
And we’re giving You our lives.”

The rising sun is rising up to give Jesus praise, and He’s calling us to do the same. The sun worships Jesus, all creation worships Jesus. Jesus created what makes Him happy; He created what’s beautiful in His sight.

“You make everything glorious; I am yours—what does that make me?” David Crowder.

Jesus created the sun, the beautiful rocks and both are crying out to Him, praising and worshiping Him. He creates what He loves; He creates things for His pleasure, so He can enjoy them. Just as humans create things that give them pleasure, things they like…

Jesus created me! I give Him pleasure; He loves me and enjoys me! I was crying out with those rocks, I was worshiping right along with them and I thought maybe they were doing a better job than I was. I was left breathless, awe struck with these thoughts. I was speechless and humbled and had tears in my eyes…the thought of worshiping my Lord along with the rocks and sun that were worshiping Him too!

What a wonderful day with my Jesus!

Making of a Leader

I recently read the book 12 Ordinary Men and I especially liked the chapter on Peter. From the life of Peter, we can learn what God looks for and how He creates leaders. In this chapter I learned some things about myself.

RAW MATERIAL:

These are things that God has put in you in your mother’s womb. You cannot get these things from training.

1) Inquisitiveness: Someone who asks a lot of questions. Curiosity is crucial to leadership. People who are content with what they don’t know, happy to remain ignorant about what they don’t understand, complacent about what they haven’t analyzed and comfortable living with problems they haven’t solved – such people cannot lead.

2) Initiative: Drive, ambition and energy, someone who makes things happen. This person is a starter. It is hard to try to motivate someone who is always passive and hesitant. It is much easier to tone down a fanatic than to resurrect a corpse. Some people have to be dragged tediously in any forward direction. Not Peter. He always wanted to move ahead, to understand what he didn’t understand. I think of this as someone who is self-motivated.

3) Involvement: True leaders are always in the middle of the action. A true leader goes through life with a cloud of dust around him. These leaders go where the action is, they are not content to sit on the sidelines and tell everyone else what to do.

LIFE EXPERIENCES:

By life experiences Christ refines us into leaders. True leaders are made, not just born. Experience can be a hard teacher. The Lord dragged Peter through three years of tests and difficulties that gave him a lifetime of the kind of experiences every true leader must endure. These experiences, even the difficult ones were all necessary to shape Peter into the man he needed to become.

Some of the lessons that Peter learned were: crushing defeat and deep humiliation often follow hard on the heels of our greatest victories. (Peter got commended by Jesus for his great confession of “You are the Christ the Son of God”, right after that – Peter got rebuked by Jesus “Get behind me Satan…”) Peter had just learned that God would reveal truth to him and guide his speech as he submitted his mind to the truth. He wasn’t dependent upon a human message. The message he was to proclaim was given to him by God. He would also be given the keys to the kingdom-meaning that his life and message would be the unlocking of the kingdom of God for the salvation of many. Peter fell victim to Satan the night he denied Jesus 3 times. Satan was sifting him as wheat and Peter was learning just how much chaff and how little substance he had in him. He learned how watchful and careful he must be to rely on only the Lord’s strength. He learned that in spite of his own sinful tendencies and spiritual weaknesses, the Lord wanted to use him and would sustain him and preserve him no matter what.
I’ve learned much, but do I apply it? Peter learned the first time he was presented with the issue, he learned in 3 years—I took 30.
CHARACTER QUALITIES:

Character is what makes leadership possible. In spiritual leadership the great goal and objective is to bring people to Christ-likeness. The leader himself must manifest Christ-like character. God’s been working with me on this one.

Submission:
Leaders must be in submission to God and to any higher earthly authority placed above them.
Jesus modeled this by paying temple taxes when he really didn’t need to because he was the son of the God worshipped in the temple. Just as the king’s sons didn’t pay regular taxes.

Restraint:
Self-control, discipline, moderation and reserve don’t necessarily come naturally to someone who lives life at the head of the pack. We need to learn these and also to curb anger and out of control passions.

Humility:
People in leadership tend to think more highly of themselves than they ought. Stay out of pride. A true leader loves and serves those he leads. Leaders tend to see people as a means to their end. Leaders are usually task oriented rather than people oriented. They often use people or plow over them in order to achieve their goals or their agenda, plan for the day, week, year or life.

Compassion:
With compassion we are equipped to strengthen the brethren. Leaders tend to be short on compassion, lousy comforters and impatient with others. They don’t stop very long to care for the wounded as they pursue their goals. After being sifted by Satan, Peter was well equipped to empathize with others’ weaknesses. He could strengthen others in their ordeals.

Courage:
Not the impetuous false kind of courage that caused him to swing his sword so wildly to cut off the man’s ear in the garden, but the kind of courage that is mature, settled, intrepid willingness to suffer for Christ’s sake. Lies are set against the truth. Satan is set against God. And demons are set against the holy purposes of Christ. Peter would face difficulty wherever he went.

Peter was not perfect, long after he learned these lessons and was “the rock” of the church, preaching, leading and bringing people the message of salvation with courage and insight, he still goofed up. Paul had to correct him in the presence of everybody when Peter left the Gentiles to eat with the false teachers. (Galatians 2:11-14) BUT…to Peter’s credit, he responded to Paul’s correction. When the error of the Judaizers was finally confronted at the full council of church leaders and apostles in Jerusalem, it was Peter who spoke up first in defense of the gospel of divine grace. He introduced the argument that won the day.

Reading through these I realize how far I have to go. But, I also realize how many of these traits I have; I just have to keep focused and allow God to mold, shape and grow things in me.  It’s a life long journey. None of us will be perfected until we reach heaven.

Why Me?

Years before I retired I began dreaming and wondering what I could do for Jesus after I retired. I started praying for Jesus to prepare me for what He had for me and then to place me there after retirement. When my retirement time came, I continued to pray for Jesus to use me and to place me where He wanted me to be. Several things happened as a result of these prayers.

First, nothing happened. But, I wanted my first year off anyway so that was expected; it was part of my plan as well. I used that time to be in women’s bible studies, journal, read, study, write, set up my web site and to just rest, watch movies, do things around the house, etc. I applied for and received a backup receptionist job at my church about 5 months into retirement. Then, about 8-9 months into my retirement, things really started to move. I received an email from church asking if I was interested in being part of the recovery ministry that they were starting. There were several positions to consider. I went to the meeting and after the meeting my husband Bill and I signed up to be small group leaders. I prayed about it and spoke to a spiritual director at a retreat I attended about it, and it seemed to be from God and the way He works in my life.

Very shortly after (10+ months after retiring) one of the Executive Leaders at church offered me a job. I met with him and found out all the details, he set up a job interview and I accepted the job on an interim basis. This started me thinking—why me? What is it about this job that I am the one to be filling the position? It was very clear to me that this came from God; this is where He wants me to be, but why?

I don’t think it’s because what I have to bring to the job – although that’s certainly part of it, but there are many other people with the skills and talents to lead this ministry, so why me? If it’s not just what I have to bring to the ministry, then what else could it be? It could be what the ministry has to bring to me. Somehow I am being refined by this ministry. I am being changed. God has something here for me, something that I need to receive and become.

This ministry is stretching me, I’m not good at recruiting and coming out of my shell to meet, know and lead people and this is something I have to do. There are teams of people I need to team up with; I need to know them, not just their names. I need to find others who can come into these teams and welcome them and help them feel like they belong, like they fit. I can no longer hide and think people don’t like me; that they don’t want to talk to me, etc. I need to be the leader.

At Passion ‘07 there were two leaders of our section of the Touch Team; one was shy and wishy/washy, a people pleaser type; the type that probably thinks people don’t want to talk to him, etc. The stronger leader who spoke clearly and told us the way it was, directed us to what we had to do, he was the better leader. I could clearly see the better leader from the follower’s point of view. Now, I have to be that type of leader, not just be someone who’s in the background, not wanting to speak up and direct; being afraid that people won’t like me, that I will sound stupid or be a bother. I have to be a direct, sound, outspoken leader.

I can be this, I have it in me and God is calling it out of me.