Do Not Let

“Do not let”. These words just roll off my tongue as I read them:

“Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]” John 14:27    (emphasis mine)

But, then I stop and realize that I have a choice, the Bible is telling me that I choose whether I am troubled, upset, agitated, disturbed, afraid, intimidated, fearful or unsettled. These are all my choice. The Bible also tells me that Jesus has given me peace, His own peace, whether I receive that and let it in is also my choice. It is available to me at all times, in all circumstances. Yet, how often do I choose not to live in that peace, not to walk in that peace? Rather, I choose to be unsettled, angry, upset, offended or agitated.

I’ve been pondering my choices lately, and God has been taking many opportunities to give me choices. God is gracious and He has also been providing opportunities for me to notice and to choose differently. For instance: just this morning as I’m driving on the freeway, guess what? A car cuts really close in front of me, as usual, my first response was not friendly. But almost immediately, I noticed what I was thinking and I turned it around and instead of choosing to be agitated, upset and disturbed, I prayed for that person. I prayed they would be safe on the rest of their journey and they would arrive at their destination on time. I prayed they would be blessed and could find joy and comfort in their day. Another opportunity today: during my aerobics class I found that I was being critical of another person in class and again, I turned it into a prayer. I thanked God that she was there, working on and caring about her health, that He would help make this a good time for her so it wouldn’t seem like work and would be easier to stick with it, I prayed for a positive result from the exercise that she was doing.

I’m discovering I am a very judgmental and critical person. But the upside to all of this is that I am starting slowly but surely to live life awake, to stay connected to God throughout the day and to make the right choices in my thoughts.

“Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good.” Romans 12:21

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

I found out yesterday I may (or may not) have some bad medical news, but I don’t know yet, as I haven’t even taken the first test to verify or deny the suspicion. I am choosing to: “not let my heart be troubled or afraid” and to just give it to Jesus, and have either no thoughts or positive thoughts. This is new for me; I usually try to figure out everything and make plans on each possible outcome, try to control and worry about everything way before its time. So, I’m working on this choice thing, and you know….it’s working!

No Place to Move

There are times in my life that are like chapters in a book. My life is a book and the different seasons are the chapters. The one I just came out of seems to be one that was titled “no place to move”. I have learned very many things. God seemed to be taking
a jackhammer to my life. He jack hammered everything except one spot to stand, and that spot was “the rock”. That was Jesus Christ, my Lord.

I thought I was doing well, that I was OK. But, in reality, I had drifted so far from where I wanted to be, from where I used to be, from where I should be. I was so close to Jesus and somehow I got so far away from Him. I don’t even know how it happened. Oh, yes I do. But, this is in hindsight. I guess I knew how it happened at the time too, but it was happening so slowly, I thought I could handle it and not let it affect me. I thought I would still stay close to Jesus even though I was doing and allowing things into my life He wouldn’t approve of. I was being deceived. I fell for the lies.

I don’t know where to start with my story, I guess it was when I got a divorce and turned to a friend, a guy in jail. I met him doing prison ministry and he was transformed by Jesus. When he got out, he had no place to go and couldn’t go back to his old life and that was all he knew, so I allowed him to move in with me. This went on for years. I was still in the Word, but not as close as I wanted to be to Jesus.

I had worked at my job since 1977; I had plans for retiring there. I worked for a place that was “30 years and out”, I could retire in 2006 at the age of 46. As I went through the years, I formulated a plan. It included having my house and car paid off several years before retirement and then I would get involved in some kind of ministry.

Well I learned “man plans his way, but God directs his path”. I had all these plans and God just jack hammered around and everything in my life that I was counting on and standing on, crumbled. I lost my job, had to refinance my house and put the car payment on the mortgage, now I was up to 15 years again. My boyfriend had slipped badly, he was drinking a lot and I couldn’t even talk to him anymore. He started out trying to help his sister get free from her habits and got into the same habits himself. Soon, he was doing crack and/or methamphetamine along with drinking. He wouldn’t come home for days and when he did, he would crash out on the couch for days, usually sick and always sleeping it off. He’d get some strength up, go to work and not come home for days again. God had jack hammered out my job, my money, my security, my boyfriend. All I had was Him. Oh, poor baby, all I had was God!

I was isolated. My Mom was the only human person I had in my life. She didn’t want the rest of my family to know I had been fired, so she didn’t tell them and I didn’t either. I didn’t want Mom to be exposed as a liar. What a place to be. The shame I carried was the most unbearable part of this time in my life.

I prayed and asked God to show me how I should spend my time with Him. I knew I needed to lean into Him heavily. It seemed as though He led me to this verse: “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be given unto you”. Matt 7:33. So, I spent my days studying righteousness and God’s Kingdom.

For the next year, I was out of a job and fighting for my old job back. I was given unemployment and then it was taken away and I was told I would have to pay back the benefits that I had received so far. It seemed as though things were getting worse instead of better. But, I kept pressing into God and believing that He was all I needed. I continually told God how good He was to me and that if He didn’t do it; it wouldn’t get done. I was in His plan and His will – I had given up mine. I practiced the presence of God in all I did to the best of my ability.

God gave me many other verses and I loved my time in the word. For some time, I memorized one verse a week. I found these verses helped me when I couldn’t sleep. I would wake up at 3:30 every morning and was unable to get back to sleep as I was worried, when I started reciting the verses – I would get back to sleep instantly. There were so many things that I learned during this time of my life. It was the biggest trial and yet it was the time that I learned and changed the most. Thinking back on it now, I see so much that I experienced and learned. I am so much better today because of this time in my life. There was so much, I can’t even contain it all in a single writing.

I learned how to manage and minimize my worrying and anxiety, get closer to my family, trust God in everything – even the things that in the natural seem impossible. I learned humility and to look to God for my purpose and worth in life.

God has blessed me beyond all I could think, ask or imagine since then –I have been transformed by this trial and I am thankful for it.

My prayer is that I can hang on to the things I learned and not have to repeat them like the Israelites going around that mountain again and again. I pray that I continually trust God and have a desperate desire to stay in His word and His presence. To know that I can’t do it – if He doesn’t do it; it won’t get done. He is the author of my life and He will be the finisher of it.

“When I said, my foot is slipping, Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, held me up.
In the multitude of my [anxious] thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!” Psalm 94:18-19 AMP

Everything I Have

Everything I have, from You I’ve received,
There’s nothing in my life that I’ve conceived.
Yet, I call them mine and firmly cling
To possessions that don’t mean a thing.

My life, my marriage, my job and home
All these things I do not own.
They are yours entrusted to me
To be my responsibility.

Giving these things the honor they’re due
Brings more blessings flowing down from You
Being faithful with less, much more is given
If unfaithful, what I have will be taken.

So I offer to You my everyday stuff
Knowing that just having You is enough
All I have is Yours, all I know is You
I strive to honor You in all I do.

Blind Spot

Temptation was lurking in my blind spot
Before I knew it, I was caught
I never saw it comin’, it was hiding in plain sight,
I was deceived, brought down without a fight.

So, I was caught
Caught in my blind spot
Not knowing it was there
Totally unaware

Of our blind spots we need to be aware
Because satan’s attacks happen there
We have blind spots when driving a car
But, we adjust our mirrors to see far

Don’t be caught
Caught in your blind spot
Not knowing it’s there
Totally unaware

These mirrors are God given tools
The use of them, has no rules
Use them as God leads
According to your needs

So you won’t be caught
Caught in your blind spot
Not knowing it was there
Totally unaware

Our relationship and in our time alone
With God, it will be shown
How to use and adjust
The mirrors He’s given us

So don’t be caught
Reveal that blind spot
Know it’s there
Be totally aware

God will show us what we can’t see
Follow His guidance to be free.
Widen your sight line, broaden your view
Hold tight to Jesus, He’s holdin’ tight to you.

My Prayer

Every thought, word and deed I do
May it bring honor and glory to You
For all I am or ever will be
Is what You form me to be.

For I am limited in this body of mine
Limited by ability, space and time
There is nothing that limits You
Only what I allow You to do

My prayer is that I open my heart
To the Holy Spirit to do Your part
For me to work on what I’m shown
So in my life, Your glory is known.

I want my life to be one of worship to You
One that I live faithful and true
In humble surrender and offering
All I have and know is the sacrifice I bring.
To you, my Lord and King.

Free

You mended my broken heart,
When it was torn apart.
Because of the work You’ve done in me,
From my bondages I’m now free.

Layer by layer You peel them away,
You show them to me and You say
“My child it’s time to face this one,
The healing process has begun.”

You refine me so tenderly,
From the inside You’re changing me
Free of bitterness, money and it’s chains.
The hold of unforgiveness and the pain

Every obedient step I take in the light,
Matures and blesses me with new insight
Day by day, hour by hour
I see the release of Your power.

These blessings from You that I receive
I put on the altar as a seed

My Snowflake

You are like a snowflake in my eyes,
That one day, just fell out of the sky.
You surely came from God above,
Into my life, for me to love.

Just like a snowflake is one of a kind,
So are you, in my heart and mind.
You’re valuable and precious beyond compare,
With you, my life I want to share.

To have and to hold in my heart,
Knowing we will never part.
I’ll love you for the rest of my life,
And be honored to be called your wife.

New Life

In the air, there’s a feeling of spring,
A time when every living thing
Seems to awaken to new life and beauty
I’m feeling the same is true for me.

The road I’m on has been long,
But the journey made me strong
I see the end now in sight
I again, draw on Your might.

I take comfort in Your love,
And ask You to give me a shove
The change You’re prompting me to make,
Is a step I don’t want to take.

In my flesh, it seems so hard,
My heart feels tattered and scarred,
I want to protect it from further pain,
Even though I know, new life I’ll gain

Take my hand and come with me,
From this bondage, You’ll set me free,
Your healing hands will bind my pain,
With You, I’ll stand and remain