My Love Letter to Jesus

Jesus:

I love you like no other! I treasure Your creation – the sunset I’m watching across the frozen lake is so awesome. But, it doesn’t even compare to You. You’ve done so many wonderful things for me. I will serve You with all of my days. You loved me when I felt I was unlovable, You cared for me and protected me when I thought no one did, or would. When I was at my lowest, feeling like the biggest failure, You thought I was precious and beautiful. It seems everyone I knew had betrayed me and abandoned me at some point, but You never did. You were there waiting for me to love You all those years that I wanted nothing to do with You. And, when I returned, You welcomed me back with open arms! I’m continually amazed and blessed at your forgiveness, compassion and mercy. I love You with all my heart. All my everything – I give to You.

The sun is setting now and the colors are beyond description. I’ve always felt You the most in nature. The beauty, the colors, the sounds and smells. It’s all a beautiful, wonderful miracle. The wildlife is so unique, the deer, so gentle, the eagle, so strong and free. Jesus, I know I’m far more worthy and valuable to You than the animals and You take such good, loving care of them. Lord, I want to live a life like Jesus did on earth. I want to walk in love.

I thank You, praise You and worship You. I thank you for loving me and for allowing me to feel Your presence surrounding me. Bless You Lord; bless you friend, and forever I am grateful. Bless You King, bless you Savior, bless You lover of my soul.

You have loved me with a love like no other. I’m grateful, joyful—the feelings and emotions are beyond words. I love being married to You. You are always there for me.

The sun is gone, but the colors remain, blaze orange, rose and pink through the sky and clouds. WOW! To share a sunset in Your presence is so pleasing.

Thank You for the passion and hunger that You’ve given me for You. I truly feel special that You’ve chosen me! You’ve chosen to bless me with really great gifts! The ministry of poem writing blows me away! I don’t know why You chose me for that, and I quit trying to figure it out, I just enjoy it and all the rest You’ve blessed me with. The gift of an encourager, leader and administration. Wow! I’m excited to see where You’re going to take me. I’m thrilled to be growing with You and in You. You continually surprise me with Your wonderful blessings and kindness.

Thanks for the sacrifice You made on the cross for ME! I will be a living sacrifice for You. Use me, as You will.

I’m anticipating a wonderful journey and I know You’ll be there for it all and if I fall, You’ll pick me up, hold me, comfort me and direct my path and make it smooth. You’ve given me such wonderful promises and I claim them all.

I know You’ll put spiritual friends in my life of your choosing and a mentor as well. Train me to encourage and mentor others in the future to help others to be spiritually strong and mature.

With all my love, heart, soul, body, mind and emotions.

I’m yours!

Love Deb

New Year’s Cry

Hear my cry, hear my plea,
This New Year, Jesus please change me.
For I still hurt too easily,
And I have pain, that no one sees.

And so I beg you, hear my cry,
As I moan, grumble and sigh.
Take my ego, take my pride,
And change me from the inside.

This is my New Year’s prayer,
To always feel that You’re there.
Search me, change me, make me whole,
Restore my heart, my mind and soul.

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*This was written in 1997 after a hard look at my life, my heart and my soul. Jesus was changing me but it was and still is, a long, hard process. It is a journey, one that I will be on for the rest of my life.

My words to you-the reader are: as the New Year approaches and you reflect on your life, notice how far you’ve come and focus on that, not how far you have yet to go. Know that as long as you keep looking forward and keep Jesus by your side, you will find strength for the journey.

This New Year 2002, I am again reflecting and realizing that I have much to be thankful for. I had another year to spend with my Mother-who is still in great health; I have a wonderful job, home and family. There are still many areas that I need help with, but I know that as I spend time in the presence of Jesus, He promises to transform me to be more and more like Him. I look forward to each day with my Lord.

Prodigal Daughter

My story is like the Prodigal Son’s story in Luke 15. I was raised Lutheran by a Christian family, and I loved Jesus. When I was 15 years old, I quit going to church. I wanted to follow my free will and have fun with my life. I got a job and requested that I work Sunday mornings because I wanted to go to the car races in the evening. This gave me an acceptable excuse to miss church. At that point in my life church had become nothing more than a mindless ritual my parents made me do. I quickly developed an attitude of rebellion against religion because I saw a lot of hypocritical people. Love and truth were not as much of a priority as looks and image. I basically just said the words and went through the motions as far as church was concerned.

I was sexually abused as a teenager. As an adult, I’ve been emotionally, verbally and physically abused. I spent 23 years being married and divorced four times, into drugs, sex, drinking, lying, cheating and above all, unconsciously searching for something that was missing in my life. I was indeed “looking for love in all the wrong places”.

I barely remember my 20’s. I was broken, hurting, feeling defective; I felt worthless, imperfect and like damaged goods. I was doing all I could to numb my feelings from the time I put my feet on the floor in the morning until the time I passed out at night. It’s an unfulfilling lifestyle. I found my friends weren’t true friends, just people to party with and pass the time. I felt “frozen”, wanting to change and not knowing how, trying to transform my life myself. It was hard work and just frustrated me and I went deeper into the pit. My marriage was falling apart, my husband was having an affair, and he was abusive. Everything I had tried to do so far had failed. I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore. I was searching for answers.

I hadn’t attended a worship service in 20 years. I only went to church for weddings and funerals. This time, it was for a baptism. My nephew, Cam was being baptized and I knew I couldn’t get out of going. Crossing the street with my husband on the way to church, I remember saying “I can’t wait until this is over, cause then I won’t have to come back until someone gets married or buried“.

The church was crowded and there was reserved pews in the front for the baptism. I wanted to sit in the back of the church where I could escape quickly and not pay attention to the service. But there I was, stuck in the 3rd row! The worship started and it blew me away. I had never heard of Praise Singing and I loved it! I couldn’t believe what I had walked into!

I was amazed, the Pastor didn’t wear a robe and was young, he spoke my language, and everything was so real. The sermon that day was called the “Insurance Claim”. It was about trying to do it alone. I had felt so alone, struggling with life, everything he said I could use. I couldn’t hear enough; I was hungry for help that was real. It was like he was speaking directly to me, like he knew my life and what I needed to hear. I’m sure the Holy Spirit was working on me that day. It was the first time that the scriptures made sense to me, it wasn’t just someone preaching at me, he was teaching me what it means to me today sitting in my pew, with my problems.

All I thought about that week was my experience on Sunday. I knew I had to go back to see if it was too good to be true. The next Sunday the sermon was “The Revealing of Feeling is the Beginning of Healing”, another relevant message for me. I thought at that point that someone was filling the Pastor in and telling him my life. I now know that someone was it was the Holy Spirit. The 3rd sermon I heard was “Recovering from Resentment”, I tell you, I could not get enough of this church thing. I sat in my pew and took notes on the sermon; I would study those notes all week long. I could not believe how consistent the messages were to my life needs.

Like the Prodigal Son, I had come to the end of myself. I had tried everything I could with no success. I had made a real big mess of my life. Now, I was going home. And I found the same thing that he found; a Father that loved me so much, He was waiting for me, expecting me! And while I was still along way off, He ran down the road to meet me right where I was. He greeted me with open arms, happy and excited, loving me and welcoming me home! I found that even though I had been rejecting Him and choosing a sinful life, He was not rejecting me! He was choosing me, loving me and waiting for me! I always felt like I had to earn everything in life and now, Jesus was offering me grace, mercy and forgiveness for free! Just like the Prodigal Son, I received a ring of authority, a robe of righteousness, and my Father threw a party for my return. I know the angels were celebrating that day. I felt so unworthy, but Jesus didn’t care. He knew I wasn’t worthy before I left, I wasn’t worthy now and no matter how long I waited or what I did, I never would be worthy. That’s the blessing of mercy, grace and forgiveness. I found my sins were gone! As far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) and I was a new person in Christ, (II Corinthians 5:17)

God transformed my life and He can transform yours. He likes to use the weak and lowly for His work, (I Corinthians 1:27-28). I live for God now and I have peace, joy and love like a river, better than any drug I’ve ever taken!