Growing Pains

Growing pains
they are so hard,
But such a necessary part
of life

In one year
Seems ten I’ve grown
I sometimes feel
so all alone
in strife.

But in my loneliest
times
Is when I always
find
The face of Christ

The arms of Jesus
reach for me
Everyday, but I best see
in darkness

The Pit

You were there when I was numb
When I was lost.
When I didn’t know where to find…..
me.

I didn’t know where to look.
Going through the motions
seemed so hard.
My struggles just brought
me deeper in the pit.

But, no pit is deeper
than the arm of God.
And You were there.
You met me in my pit,
and sat with me awhile.
And we cried together.
We mourned my losses:
-of hope
-of the future
that “my mind” had planned,
and realized that You directed my path.

Your plans are better than mine,
Your thoughts are higher than mine.
And I put my hand in Yours,
and You are bringing me out of that pit.
And I know there is glorious sunshine at the end.

However long it takes
However many rocks are in my path,
we will go hand in hand
and I will trust You
and follow You completely.
For You know me
and even though You know,
You love me!

Are You a Dead Sea Christian?

The Dead Sea received its name because no life can exist in its waters. The Jordan River is the source of fresh water for it, but as soon as the water reaches the Dead Sea, it can’t go any further, so it becomes stagnant. The fresh part of the water evaporates rapidly in the hot desert climate and all the salt; minerals, etc. are left behind. The dry air absorbs the water evaporating and creates a natural sunscreen. This can happen in our Christian walk. If all we do is take in without ever giving out, then we are going to become stale Christians. All the blessings and knowledge we receive from God are going to evaporate. We do not want to be a “son”-screen, and screen out Jesus from the rest of the world. We want to share Jesus with the rest of the world. But, the more we allow ourselves and our spiritual life to become stale, the more we are being a son-screen rather than a witness to others.

“He who is not with Me is against Me, and he who does not gather with Me scatters.” Luke 11:23 NKJV

Many of us take in mercy, grace, forgiveness, love and all the blessings both material and spiritual from God and never give any of it away. We are intended to be vessels, to pour out to others what we receive from God.

“Freely you have received freely give.” Matthew 10:8b NKJV

This shows itself in many ways. We are material vessels for God by giving tithes, offerings, gifts, food, clothes and many other material things to others. God wants us to be resources for Him on this earth. We are to be Jesus in the skin to people.

“Give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be put into your bosom. For the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38 NKJV

Spiritually we can be vessels for God, by giving time, encouragement, love, mercy, grace, forgiveness and other forms of support. This includes forgiving the people we encounter on a daily basis. Not just our friends, family and coworkers, but the people that cut us off in traffic, or are slow in front of us in line. Giving mercy, grace and love to others can be part of our daily lives. A kind word, a smile, letting someone go ahead of you, these are all little ways that we can bless others. Sometimes all people need is to be listened to, or noticed and given time.

“And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 AMP

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matthew 6:14 NKJV

The things we learn in the Scriptures we are to share with others, to help lead people to the Lord. We are to do Kingdom business here on earth, sharing what we have whether it is knowledge, love or material items.

“He sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick” Luke 9:2 NKJV
“For the harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few…” Luke 10:2a NKJV

We can’t give what we don’t have, so first it’s necessary to receive all God has for us and then give it away to others, in this way we empty ourselves so God can pour more into us. It is a divine cycle.

“And there was a man called Zacchaeus, a chief tax collector, and he was rich.”  Luke 19:2 AMP

“And when Jesus reached the place, He looked up and said to him, Zacchaeus hurry and come down for I must stay at your house today. So he hurried and came down, and he received and welcomed Him joyfully. And when the people saw it, they all muttered among themselves and indignantly complained, He has gone in to be the guest of and lodge with a man who is devoted to sin and preeminently a sinner. So then Zacchaeus stood up and solemnly declared to the Lord, See Lord, half of my goods I give [by way of restoration] to the poor and if I have cheated anyone out of anything, I restore four times as much.” Luke 19:5-8 AMP

Eating in a person’s home was a significant act in biblical times, signifying fellowship and acceptance. Zacchaeus RECEIVED and welcomed Jesus joyfully; and in response promised to give half of his goods to the poor and restore four times the amount to anyone that he had cheated. The law only required that Zacchaeus restore the original amount plus one-fifth. The proof of receiving salvation is not that we do what we must to make things right, but that we gladly do more.

Be an encourager. Be Jesus in the skin to someone today. Give away one of your many blessings to someone else, and just watch how Jesus uses you.

Don’t be a “Dead Sea” Christian.

Fall Leaves

Raking leaves this week it occurred to me how in the Bible many times there is a reference to trees, roots and fruit in the context of believers. I thought about the fig tree Jesus cursed because it had no fruit. “And as He saw one single leafy fig tree above the roadside, He went to it but he found nothing but leaves on it [seeing that in the fig tree the fruit appears at the same time as the leaves]. And He said to it, Never again shall fruit grow on you! And the fig tree withered up at once.” Matt. 21:19 The leaves on the tree led Him to believe something that was not true. The tree was a fake and had to go. “Beware of false prophets, who come to you dressed as sheep, but inside they are devouring wolves. You will fully recognize them by their fruits. Do people pick grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles? Even so, every healthy (sound) tree bears good fruit but the sickly (worthless) tree bears bad (worthless) fruit. A good (healthy) tree cannot bear bad (worthless) fruit, nor can a bad (diseased) tree bear excellent fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and cast into the fire. Therefore, you will fully know them by their fruits.“ Matthew 7:15-20

As Christians, we are to bear fruit as well. “Bring forth fruit that is consistent with repentance [let your lives prove your change of heart]“ Matt 3:8. “…so that now you may belong to Another, to Him Who was raised from the dead in order that we may bear fruit for God.” Romans 7:4b There are seasons of our lives that we are dormant and not visually growing, but inside of us, there is something going on. In the spring, the buds show up on our branches, the sap starts flowing and we bear fruit. If we are Christians that do all the “things” on the outside that Christians are “supposed” to do and when someone gets close to us, they find there is no fruit beneath our leaves; we are a fake, a hypocrite and should be cursed and thrown into the fire.

I was sitting on the sofa the other day and I heard a huge gust of wind. I looked out the window and saw the leaves off the trees blowing sideways across the yard. I was reminded that just as the leaves on the trees change colors and fall off, so do the things in our lives that God is through with. There are times the Holy Spirit’s wind blows through our lives to make the things that are dead fall off of us. There are things we sometimes insist on hanging on to. Maybe it is something God once anointed us for and now wants us to move on. Yet, we hang on to whatever it is; teaching Sunday School, working in the Nursery, attending prayer meeting, whatever it is. We hang on because it is a good thing and God really used it in our lives and we think we are to keep it. “Any branch in Me that does not bear fruit [that stops bearing] He cuts away; and he cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch that continues to bear fruit, to make it bear more and richer and more excellent fruit.” John15:2

There are times in our lives that we need to have some trials happen to us to get the fruit producing in our lives again. Jesus told a parable in regards to this: “A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit on it, but did not find [any]. So he said to the vinedresser, See here! For these three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree and I find none. Cut it down! Why should it continue also to use up the ground [to deplete the soil, intercept the sun, and take up room]? But he replied to him, Leave it alone, sire [just] this one more year, till I dig around it and put manure [on the soil]. Then perhaps it will bear fruit after this; but if not you can cut it down and out.” Luke 13:6-9

Sometimes it takes a little “manure” to get the fruit growing again.

How Far I’ve Come

Isn’t it funny how God works? He works from the inside out, sometimes it is so slow and natural we don’t even see the change. Other times, He works so fast; it’s a miracle, a deliverance. I’ve experienced both of these ways of God in my life. About 6-8 months after I got saved, I one day noticed I didn’t swear anymore. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, it just did. When I got off of drugs and drinking it was a genuine deliverance in my life. It seemed to happen quickly, but as I think about it, maybe it was a slow process, one I didn’t even know was going on inside of me until it manifested on the outside.

I read a book “Tired of Trying to Measure Up” by Jeff VanVonderen a few months after I quit smoking pot. Now I’m reading it again. When I first read the book I thought the author knew me and was writing the book about me. Almost every single word was exactly me! It was the best book; it really helped me to realize what, how and why I have the personality traits and behaviors that I do.

The book is about Christians who live under a deeply ingrained code of written and unwritten expectations and rules that shame them and drain them. It is for the perfectionist, people with low self worth, ones that were abused or shamed and the people who were addicted to any form of substance that allowed them to escape. Mostly it is about shame and how it affects us in our opinion about our relationships our behaviors and ourselves. It speaks about who we are in God’s eyes, what He created us to be, the freedom God’s grace brings and how to recognize what our coping skills are and how they do or don’t serve us in our relationships.

The first time I read this book, a friend borrowed it to me. I remembered the book being so true for me that I wanted my own copy. My church had a sale in the bookstore a few weeks ago and I bought it. I started reading it for the second time. I am only on the 3rd chapter and I can already see how far I’ve come. The opinions, behaviors and characteristics the book speaks of were 98% me the first time. Now, they are still in me, but healed to the point that they rarely show up anymore. My thoughts are different, my actions are different, and it’s a miracle!

“And all of us, as with unveiled face, because we continued to behold in the Word of God as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another for this comes from the Lord Who is the Spirit. II Corinthians 3:18

“And let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:6

“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” Philippians 1:6

If you ever think you are not moving spiritually, look back in your journal if you have one, read a book that described you, ask a trusted friend or pray and ask God to reveal it to you. I know you will be encouraged when you realize how different you are. God usually takes us through life’s lessons slowly and we are continually being transformed into His likeness.

Another Stage of Life

The phone rang; I looked at the Caller ID and answered it. Mom was on the other end. She had a bad day, while trying to cut the grass that morning the lawnmower had quit and wouldn‘t start. She said that she “tried and tried and pulled the rope until she almost killed herself” then she gave up and went in the house.

Sitting in the living room chair, she started thinking about why she lives there. She came to the conclusion to sell her house and move to an apartment. Several of her friends on her bowling league live in apartments and they seem to like it. She said the house is just too much for her and thinks moving is the right thing to do. She had it all planned out, she would keep some money for herself and give the rest to us kids; so she would be alive to see us enjoy our inheritance.

At first, I tried to talk her into staying in the house, I suggested she hire a lawn service, or let us kids take care of things. Because I don’t like living in apartments, I didn’t think she would. But, she had answers for everything I said; she is old and settled, she’d like it etc. So, I decided to support her in her decision.

I started to look inside myself and ask why I was uncomfortable with her wanting to move. I realized I feel as though moving to an apartment is her last stage in life and it brings the realization she isn’t going to be around forever. I mean, I know she has to die sometime, but talking about this move just made it more of a reality. Along with that comes knowing my home will be gone, the family “nest” will no longer be there. Mom’s house is the place I was born and raised. Our holidays are spent there with the family. Mom and her home seems to be the glue that holds us together. Mom’s a Christian, so I know she will go to heaven to be with Jesus, and she has lots of people up there waiting for her; my Dad being one of them. (That’s another story for later…)

The reason I was bothered by this move has more to do with selfish reasons than anything else. I realized it was hard for me to think about, because I’m single and don’t have children. My two sisters have families, so when our parents are both gone, and that family has ended so to speak, they will still have their families. Does this make sense? I think there is a fear of being alone and of growing older myself. Mom was always the one I went to for comfort and strength when I was little; she always took care of things, now it’s my turn to take care of her. That is a hard role to reverse.

So, here I was with all of this inside of me. I prayed and God gave me peace, comfort and acceptance. One day, we went apartment hunting. We saw three different places, they were very nice. I was being positive and encouraging, pointing out all the benefits of living in each one. When we got in the car to leave, Mom said she didn’t think she’d like living in an apartment. It reminded her of a nursing home. She hasn’t lived in an apartment for 50 years and then she didn’t live in one for very long. We agreed she would allow us kids to do the lawn work. I told her she shouldn’t have to do anything at her house anymore, to just call one of us, or let us set up a schedule to help. Since then, my nephew has been cutting the grass for her. I go over Saturday mornings to help clean out the closets, basement and the attic.

God knows what is best. He is so gentle in teaching and showing me the different seasons of life and the adjustments that are needed. This whole experience gave both Mom and me lots of things to think about. I’m so glad it happened because I got the chance to do some soul searching and realize a few things.

There are times in our lives when we think like my Mom did, that we are ready to go to the next season, but God knows different. God had to show Mom that she is not at that place in her life. Mom belongs right where she is, but she needs to learn to accept and receive help from others. I know that is hard for her, she was always the one to give, the one to do without and put the rest of the family first.

Then there are times in our lives when we think like I did, that the time is not right to move to the next level or season, just stay right where we are, don’t change anything. Again, God knows different. There are times to move on and even though this wasn’t one in the physical sense for Mom, it is a different level for her. The role reversal has begun. Often times I either want to run out in front of God, or dig in my heels and not leave my comfort zone.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name. You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned. Nor shall the flame scorch you.” Isaiah 43:1-2

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

This life is a journey and we need to keep moving, one step at a time. The reassuring part is that Jesus goes through it all with us. He will never, ever ask us to do or go anywhere that He doesn’t go with us.

Goodbye to Friends

Over four years ago, I was such a mess,
I thought I couldn’t be anything less.
The bottom is where I seemed to be,
That’s where I was when you met me.

You let me in, you showed me grace,
I learned my life was not a waste.
You taught me to boldly approach God’s throne,
And give Christ inside of me a home.

Since then, I’ve never been the same
I learned my life was not in vain.
Where I am weak, He is strong,
I follow Him, I can’t go wrong.

You openly listened, you were always there,
Anytime I needed friends to share
My joys, confusion or turmoil,
You were friends that were always loyal.

Now it’s time to say goodbye
It’s hard for me, but I will try
To express in words how I feel for you,
Friends like you are ever true.

God has put a call on your heart,
Your answer has meant a new start.
I love you and I send you my prayer,
That God will keep you in His care.

The Battle Within

Lord, help me with my struggles of flesh,
Satan wants to use it to make a mess.
Keep me focused, keep me clean
So that my life can be serene.

The dark places in my soul,
Need light to make me whole.
Satan works with the dark,
Plants an idea for a start.

The battlefield is in the mind,
The thoughts I have, are the kind
That my flesh like to entertain
But following through would be insane.

For the action would bring struggle
To my life, turmoil and trouble.
I know this is a test I can pass,
With my focus on You, it can’t last.

Give me strength to see me through,
Transform my mind to be like You.
For that’s the only way to win,
This battle that rages within.