The Pit

You were there when I was numb
When I was lost.
When I didn’t know where to find…..
me.

I didn’t know where to look.
Going through the motions
seemed so hard.
My struggles just brought
me deeper in the pit.

But, no pit is deeper
than the arm of God.
And You were there.
You met me in my pit,
and sat with me awhile.
And we cried together.
We mourned my losses:
-of hope
-of the future
that “my mind” had planned,
and realized that You directed my path.

Your plans are better than mine,
Your thoughts are higher than mine.
And I put my hand in Yours,
and You are bringing me out of that pit.
And I know there is glorious sunshine at the end.

However long it takes
However many rocks are in my path,
we will go hand in hand
and I will trust You
and follow You completely.
For You know me
and even though You know,
You love me!

My Vacation

“For since the creation of the world His invisible nature and attributes have been made clearly intelligible through the things that have been made. (His handiworks). Romans 1:20

Standing on the beach, wind blowing through my hair, the sound of the waves splashing up on shore, the sand under my feet and the misty fog that comes with a warm morning, I’m still amazed at the awesome way God reveals things to me.

I watch as the waves of the high tide sweep away all the marks of the past. The footprints that were there in the sand just a second ago, are now gone. I bend over to write in the sand and a wave comes, now my letters are very faint, another wave and they are completely gone. The waves don’t just take away or clean up, they also at times leave gifts on the shore. They leave shells and sponges for me to collect and investigate. They reveal sand dollars that were just underneath the sand in the water, but as the waves pull back and the tide goes out, all of these treasures are revealed for me to enjoy.

The same way God is with us, every morning He sweeps through with new mercy, we pray and He forgives and forgets our sins and leaves us with a clean slate. The Holy Spirit blows in our lives and shows and teaches us practical applications on the Word to use in our everyday lives. God does even more than this though, He leaves us with treasures, gifts we can enjoy. He blesses us with favor as we go through our day, with people that love us, friends and family, a home, a job, children-He is so good to us! He gives us Spiritual gifts that are so precious-anointing that allows us to accomplish what we never could on our own.

The ocean is so huge, I strain to see something out there. Looking closely I see a boat, that I know is large, yet seems so small in the distance. The clouds seem smaller, the sea gulls and the other birds are small. I again am in awe of how this relates to God in my life. God is as vast as the ocean, He is huge, all consuming, compared to Him everything is so small. He is more powerful than the tide and more cleansing than the water. He is a great and mighty God.

“The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows and proclaims His handiwork. Psalm 19:1

Freeze Tag

(Please see my article “He Touched Me” for part one.)

One Sunday my Pastor’s sermon was called “Freeze Tag”. When you were a kid, did you ever play the game freeze tag? It’s just like playing tag, one person is “it” and runs around, trying to tag the others, the only difference is once you are tagged, you must freeze in that position. You remain that way until one of the other people that aren’t “it” come and touch you and unfreeze you, then you are free to run around again. Well my life related to this game of freeze tag, as I’m sure many other’s do. At a point in my life I was touched and frozen. The part of me that was frozen didn’t grow up and also didn’t want to feel because of the pain I was trying to avoid. I needed to find ways to numb my feelings. People get frozen for different reasons, either for one reason or for a combination of reasons. I think mine was a combination. I had really low self-esteem and self worth; I had what I call a “soil of shame” and a “root of rejection”. These were brought into my life for various reasons.

“…For you shall forget the shame of your youth…” Isaiah 54:4

When I heard the sermon Freeze Tag something happened inside of me. Monday, I decided to quit smoking pot, I was going to call my Pastor and speak with him about the sermon and realized Monday was his day off. I didn’t call him that day and I didn’t quit drugs, but I did only smoke one joint (instead of the usual 8!). Tuesday came and I got up my nerve and called my Pastor. He was so gracious! I poured it all out, I told him all the things I was ashamed of and how helpless I was to stop on my own. I just wanted to live for Jesus-completely! He talked to me about my concerns of quitting and starting a new life, he prayed with me and that was the day I quit!

“Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].” James 5:16 AMP

Once you’re frozen in life, you need a touch to get defrosted just like in the game. The difference being in the game anyone other than the person that is “it” can touch you, but in life, it has to be Jesus. He comes and touches that frozen part of you and you’re defrosted. That part of you is now allowed to grow and to feel. It’s a difficult process. Even if you are supernaturally delivered like I was from the addictive substance, there are still a lot of things you have to do in the aftermath of it. For me, the part that was frozen was my emotions; I truly didn’t know how to feel, or what I was feeling. Making decisions was hard; I didn’t know what my opinions were. I cried very easily because my emotions were right on the surface. I wasn’t used to feeling, so when I did feel it was really intense.

“Now Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And there was a woman there who for eighteen years had had an infirmity caused by a spirit (a demon of sickness). She was bent completely forward and utterly unable to straighten herself up or to look upward. And when Jesus saw her, He called (her to Him) and said to her, Woman, you are released from your infirmity! Then He laid (His) hands on her and instantly she was made straight, and she recognized and thanked and praised God.” Luke 13:10-13 AMP

This sums up how Jesus touched me. I was frozen in life always looking down, unable to look up because the things of the world held me in bondage. Jesus touched me and I wasn’t frozen any more, I could look up and see Jesus, look Him right in the eye and know that He loved me, He healed me from my infirmity!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows].” Psalm 147:3 AMP

Anyone can be used by Jesus to be “Jesus in the skin” to someone else, let Him use you today. Let Him use your former pain and shame to minister to others. Help Him set the captives free.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound” Isaiah 61:1 NKJV

“Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense…” Isaiah 61:7a AMP

“who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” II Corinthians 1:4 RSV
(Continued in my next article “The Battle Belongs to the Lord”)

You Can’t Stop Me

Last Saturday, I attended a conference sponsored by Women of God. The theme was “In His Presence”. I was within minutes of walking out the door when something happened–my power went out! I checked the circuit breaker box and it was okay, I looked outside to see if my neighbor’s had power, but I couldn’t tell.

I went to the car to leave and I couldn’t–the garage has an automatic door. I remembered if I pulled the red handle that was hanging down I could manually open the door. I pulled the handle, it disengaged, I tried to pull the door up and it wouldn’t budge. I tried and tried and tried! Finally, I went in the house and called the Power Company to see if they knew about the outage. They knew and said it would be back on sometime between 9:00 and Noon! I found myself sitting down and starting to tell myself I would just get comfortable and stay home. Then it came to me that the last thing the enemy wanted me to do was to go to this event! I figured it was going to be great. I decided nothing was going to keep me from going. I sat down, prayed and started to read my Bible, I was going to get filled with the Word and ready for my day. By 9:05 a.m. the power was on and I was on my way.

I wasn’t very late, worship had just finished. They asked us to introduce ourselves to someone near us. I told the lady I spoke with that I was expecting great and wonderful things from God. I knew something awesome was going to happen and that’s why Satan tried so hard to get me discouraged.

I was right, the conference was really terrific! I learned so much and I was so blessed by the worship and the other women. It was a wonderful day. The speakers were really good; one was a Pastor and a psychotherapist. She spoke mostly about the different coping skills and emotions that are developed by people who have been abused. She believes healing ultimately occurs through strengthening the spirit, a deepening relationship with God and healing the soul. We learned contemplative prayer, which I found to be really helpful. Contemplative prayer is when we place ourselves as the “main character” in a Bible story. I stretched out on the pew and closed my eyes as she read a Bible story. She asked us at different times how we felt, what things looked like, etc. It was a healing thing to do. I believe we’re most open to the Holy Spirit and His work in us when we are creative.

I was reminded how important it is to just sit with Jesus. Since then, I have made it a deliberate action in my day, to spend quiet time with Him. He’s my best friend and I find myself throughout the day talking with Him. He goes to work with me, grocery shopping, walking, to coffee and lunch. He goes everywhere with me. I look forward all day to spending quality alone time with Jesus, I am excited and eagerly anticipating my time with Him. I know and I’m aware of Jesus with me throughout the day, because I have set my mind to be. I’ve asked Jesus to help me to be aware and I’m changing already.

I know spending time with Jesus is not just a feeling, it is a state of my soul, and it transforms me. In His presence I am changed, my soul is refreshed and my heart is softened. Little by little, day by day, I develop the mind, heart and attitude of Jesus. I will start to manifest more and more compassion, love and humbleness, all the fruits of the Spirit will be developed in me. I have learned prayer isn’t always talking, thinking or even trying to listen, prayer can be just being open to receive whatever it is Jesus has for me. There are times He brings things up and we walk through the memory or issue together, that’s how healing happens. There are not words to describe the presence of Jesus, or the transformation He does in my soul.

“He must increase, but I must decrease. (He must grow more prominent; I must grow less so.)” John 3:30

I finally got the meaning of this Scripture, and it is so easy! I don’t know why I had such trouble with it. I’ve tried for most of my Christian life to do the things I thought I was supposed to do. For instance: crucify my flesh, seek God’s will, show the fruits of the Spirit, resist the devil, etc. When what I need is to spend time with Jesus. The Holy Spirit impressed upon me this illustration: if I have a glass with dirty water in it and I pour in fresh clean water and continue to pour water in the glass until it overflows; and I pour still more water in it, more and more and more…eventually; the glass has NO dirty water in it, JUST clean water!

“Let this same attitude and purpose and (humble) mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus” Philippians 2:5

“(Not in your own strength) for it is God who is all the while effectually at work in you (energizing and creating in you the power and desire) both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.” Philippians 2:13

All I need to do is focus on filling myself full of Him, not removing the undesirable traits that are in me. The undesirable will go when I am continually filled with Jesus. He will never leave me or forsake me, He will not quit-He will continue to transform me and finish the work He started in me. All I have to do is cooperate!

Willing to be Willing

“As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to Him and fell on his knees before Him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good–except God alone.  You know the commandments: `Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.”  “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.” Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” He said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.”  Mark 10:17-22

The rich man had kept all the commandments and was successful, but his values were distorted. He had to face the reality that his goals in life were wealth and power, yet these had left his life empty. Happiness is never found in money, success, or power. It is found in living in a good relationship with God and others. The rich man had loved things more than God and people.

The rich man was not willing to give up what he had. His grasp was firmly around his possessions and he was into idolatry, he loved his possessions and success more than God.

“The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Matt. 26:41b

God knows that we are not perfect and we have desires of the flesh. He doesn’t demand perfection, just willingness. If we are willing to do something for God, He will give us what is needed to accomplish whatever it is.

The rich man was not willing. I can relate to him, there are times in my life that I’m not willing either. During those times I have learned to pray to the Lord and tell Him that I’m not willing, but I am willing to be willing. I pray that if it is something Christ wants me to do, He needs to make me willing.

Following are words to the song “Everything I Own” by “Pegtop”. A group the Minister of Music at my church is in. It touched me so deeply, I want to share.

What would I give to be pure in heart,
And pure in flesh and bone?
What would I give to be pure in heart?
I’d give everything I own.

I’d rid my whole house of its demons of lust
And open the windows of trust
And out of those windows all fear will have flown
And I’d give everything I own

What would I give for the words of God
To come tumbling from the throne?
What would I give for the words of God?
I’d give everything I own

I’d open my head and they’d roll right in,
When I open my mouth they’d roll out again.
They’d uproot the weeds of the deeds I have sown,
And I’d give everything I own

What would I give for my children’s strength
On the day they stand alone?
I mean what would I give for their strength to stand firm?
I’d give everything I own

I’ve wasted my life
In accomplishing things
Ignoring the giver of wings.
Lord teach them to fly to the foot of Your throne,
And I’d give everything I own

All I’ve accomplished and the titles I hold,
My passions, positions, possessions and gold.
To God they must look like a thimble of foam–
And it’s everything I own.
Dirty rags is all I own.

So I stand before God with my truckload of hay,
He gets asked, but says there is still a way.

Because “Father forgive” are the words Jesus moaned,
And He gave everything He owned.
When He gave everything He owned.

So what would I give to be pure in heart
For the known to be unknown?
I mean what would I give to be…
Born again?

© Pegtop 1999 Stone Jetty Publishing/BMI

Are you willing to give it all; everything you own? Are you like the rich man, holding tightly to things that have no lasting value? Ask God to make you willing to be willing, you’ll not regret it.

How Far I’ve Come

Isn’t it funny how God works? He works from the inside out, sometimes it is so slow and natural we don’t even see the change. Other times, He works so fast; it’s a miracle, a deliverance. I’ve experienced both of these ways of God in my life. About 6-8 months after I got saved, I one day noticed I didn’t swear anymore. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, it just did. When I got off of drugs and drinking it was a genuine deliverance in my life. It seemed to happen quickly, but as I think about it, maybe it was a slow process, one I didn’t even know was going on inside of me until it manifested on the outside.

I read a book “Tired of Trying to Measure Up” by Jeff VanVonderen a few months after I quit smoking pot. Now I’m reading it again. When I first read the book I thought the author knew me and was writing the book about me. Almost every single word was exactly me! It was the best book; it really helped me to realize what, how and why I have the personality traits and behaviors that I do.

The book is about Christians who live under a deeply ingrained code of written and unwritten expectations and rules that shame them and drain them. It is for the perfectionist, people with low self worth, ones that were abused or shamed and the people who were addicted to any form of substance that allowed them to escape. Mostly it is about shame and how it affects us in our opinion about our relationships our behaviors and ourselves. It speaks about who we are in God’s eyes, what He created us to be, the freedom God’s grace brings and how to recognize what our coping skills are and how they do or don’t serve us in our relationships.

The first time I read this book, a friend borrowed it to me. I remembered the book being so true for me that I wanted my own copy. My church had a sale in the bookstore a few weeks ago and I bought it. I started reading it for the second time. I am only on the 3rd chapter and I can already see how far I’ve come. The opinions, behaviors and characteristics the book speaks of were 98% me the first time. Now, they are still in me, but healed to the point that they rarely show up anymore. My thoughts are different, my actions are different, and it’s a miracle!

“And all of us, as with unveiled face, because we continued to behold in the Word of God as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another for this comes from the Lord Who is the Spirit. II Corinthians 3:18

“And let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 2:6

“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” Philippians 1:6

If you ever think you are not moving spiritually, look back in your journal if you have one, read a book that described you, ask a trusted friend or pray and ask God to reveal it to you. I know you will be encouraged when you realize how different you are. God usually takes us through life’s lessons slowly and we are continually being transformed into His likeness.

The Battle Within

Lord, help me with my struggles of flesh,
Satan wants to use it to make a mess.
Keep me focused, keep me clean
So that my life can be serene.

The dark places in my soul,
Need light to make me whole.
Satan works with the dark,
Plants an idea for a start.

The battlefield is in the mind,
The thoughts I have, are the kind
That my flesh like to entertain
But following through would be insane.

For the action would bring struggle
To my life, turmoil and trouble.
I know this is a test I can pass,
With my focus on You, it can’t last.

Give me strength to see me through,
Transform my mind to be like You.
For that’s the only way to win,
This battle that rages within.

Lives Transformed

I praise You Lord that I can see,
The works You’re doing all around me.
The peace and joy on people’s face,
That tells me they’ve received Your grace.

The healing love You freely bestow,
Allows life transformation to show.
The Holy Spirit’s power within,
Gives a new heart, free from sin.

We look at the world with Spirit eyes,
Living by truth, not by lies.
A new creature with a renewed mind,
Life with a purpose, not walking blind.

You give believers a new life story,
Full of Your grace, blessings and glory.
Your mercy is brand new every day,
With loving kindness You show the way.

You want us to be spiritually bold,
Willing and able for You to mold.
Shape us into the form You want us to be,
Bond servants, ever faithful unto Thee.

Instill in us a passion for You,
A hunger that lasts all our life through,
So we will give You honor and praise,
That lasts throughout the rest of our days.