Living in the Shadows

I’ve been living in shadows for a few years,
Many times I think the end must be near.
Then a new shadow comes and blocks the light,
Again, the sunshine seems out of sight.

I keep moving ahead without a chart
Through the shadows and in the dark
I’m walking by faith and not by sight
Resisting the urge to put up a fight

What does God have here for me?
He’s teaching me a new way to see.
Showing me in shadows, light can be found
And even in darkness joy can abound

When God is done and I am purged
Then from the shadows, I will emerge
A better version of who I used to be
Standing tall for all to see.

Waves of Grief

I’m thankful for the waves of grief,
Because between them, I find relief
The frequency and size are never the same
Some hit hard and others are quite tame

They are uncontrollable as they come and go
Their size, intensity and duration I never know.
I have no choice but to see them through
And let them do what they will do

They’ve hit me hard and knocked me down
I wondered if I’d come around
But I look to Jesus and don’t lose sight
And hang on to Him with all my might

I know in my heart each wave will pass
For they are not intended to last
Something deep is being formed in me
For this, I am grateful for the waves I see.

Grief

Grief looks different on everyone
For me, it took six months to come
It’s so late that it somehow seems wrong
That these feelings would be so strong

Not that grief wasn’t there right away
But it didn’t hang around to stay
Now it’s as if it’s part of me
Death is in everything I see

I was away from home without a lifeline
My mom played that role all the time
The extent of my loss became crystal clear
It’s sad to let go of my mother so dear

Feeling Like an Outsider

I always felt like a black sheep
The feeling’s as old as it is deep
My siblings were chosen, I was not
It was a status I constantly sought

This desire and struggle followed me through life
Creating poor choices and much strife
In certain situations things haven’t changed
That outsider feeling still remains

One day last April, my mom died
The entire family was by her side
She was my best friend and the family’s glue
Now I’m an outsider and an orphan too

So, I turn to Jesus; He’s my only source
I can trust in Him to keep me on course
He’ll walk beside me and show me the way
Step by step and day by day

Hard Times Make Me Humble

For every one mile of road; the ditch equals two
Jesus, I’m grateful I’m on the road with You.
When I lose focus and drift to the side
Your gentle nudging is my guide

Many times I was in desperate need
And still; Your nudge, I didn’t heed
In the ditch, the price I paid
For following the plans I‘d made

When I had enough; I’d cry out to You
You were always there to see me through
You’d reach down and get me on my feet
With mercy and love we again would meet

In the ditch I learned important lessons
To seek You for answers and to listen
To obey and trust You to safely lead me
As we maneuver through my life’s journey

You don’t promise a bump free road
You promise to help carry my load
And to comfort me when I stumble
For hard times are what make me humble

Glimpses

Lord, open my eyes so I might see
Glimpses of You surrounding me.
You show Yourself in so many ways,
Beneath the surface of my life everyday.

If I’d only stop long enough to see,
What’s right here in front of me,
I’d soon live in a new reality
Bits of heaven would blossom in me.

With spiritual eyes things would be new
My everyday life would be colored with You.
I want to live my life in this way
Being fully present to You everyday.

Simplicity

I’m drawn to a life of simplicity
Yet I live here in the city.
I wonder; can the two co-exist?
Or by choosing one, is the other missed.

In the woods – surrounded by your creation
Your presence with me is a strong sensation
Your awesome beauty reflects in all I see
Your gentle voice whispers through the trees

I experience You in all I see, think and feel
And in that moment, there’s nothing more real.
I’ve been filled with Your Spirit – we are one
My wants and needs – have become none.

This awareness disappears at home in the city
Distracted with busyness and noise– what a pity
I hustle and bustle through my day
And in the evening look around and say

I didn’t see God – why wasn’t He here?
The truth is; He was very near
But I didn’t look and I didn’t see
I didn’t ask or listen and that’s the key

When things are quiet and simple I’m more aware
Of Jesus’ presence and always being there
Simple – that’s the life I’m called to lead
Jesus will supply all I want and need

Lord, help me with simplicity.

Moment by Moment

Jesus – everywhere I look; it’s You I see
In the tall, majestic Oak tree,
The puffy clouds in the sky so blue,
All things created remind me of You.

You speak to me through your creation,
And show me your awesome imagination
The water, forest and the fields
All of them, to you yield

Through the woods, I love to walk
There I find it’s easy to talk
To talk to you and hear you so clearly
These moments I hold dearly

Why is it these walks aren’t more frequent?
Why isn’t my daily time better spent?
I desire a closer, intimate relationship with You
Yet I find myself doing other things I don’t want to do

It’s that age old question – why do I do
The things that I don’t want to do?
Why can’t I do the things that I want to?
For it’s you Lord, I want to pursue.

I want to drink from the well that satisfies
I want to walk with the one who hears my cries
I want to go through life holding your hand
Guiding me moment by moment through the land