Winter
Winter – I’ve always hated it. Well, maybe that’s a little bit strong. But, I really don’t ever remember liking it too much; even as a kid. Most kids love the snow and want to go outside and play in it. I don’t remember being like that; well, maybe I’m just too old to remember š
Usually, all I do is complain about the cold, the snow and how dreadfully long it is. But, God is slowing changing me. The last few years haven’t been so bad for me. In fact – last year for my birthday I asked to go dog sledding in Ely. The temperature was -30 and that was without the wind chill. Yet, we went and we had a good time.
This year, I grieved the loss of summer and felt cheated because it seemed so short; but yet I find I’m not dreading the coming of winter. In fact, today I looked out the window at the trees and noticed that some of them have very little leaves left on them. I felt a peace, like nature is soon to be resting and with that rest comes renewal and a burst of energy in the spring. I feel like God is going to do that with me as well this year (well, that probably was His plan for me the other years too, but I resisted). I know that we need rejuvenation, rest, renewal, transformation and a burst of energy too, just like nature does.
So, this year; Iām not going to resist. Iām going to allow God to slow me down and do His renewal work in me as well. Iām going to view winter with new eyes this year. Iām at peace and Iām going to look for the beauty ācause itās all part of the bigger picture and Godās plan.
Hard Times Make Me Humble
For every one mile of road; the ditch equals two
Jesus, Iām grateful Iām on the road with You.
When I lose focus and drift to the side
Your gentle nudging is my guide
Many times I was in desperate need
And still; Your nudge, I didnāt heed
In the ditch, the price I paid
For following the plans Iād made
When I had enough; Iād cry out to You
You were always there to see me through
Youād reach down and get me on my feet
With mercy and love we again would meet
In the ditch I learned important lessons
To seek You for answers and to listen
To obey and trust You to safely lead me
As we maneuver through my lifeās journey
You donāt promise a bump free road
You promise to help carry my load
And to comfort me when I stumble
For hard times are what make me humble
Glimpses
Lord, open my eyes so I might see
Glimpses of You surrounding me.
You show Yourself in so many ways,
Beneath the surface of my life everyday.
If Iād only stop long enough to see,
Whatās right here in front of me,
Iād soon live in a new reality
Bits of heaven would blossom in me.
With spiritual eyes things would be new
My everyday life would be colored with You.
I want to live my life in this way
Being fully present to You everyday.
Moment by Moment
Jesus ā everywhere I look; itās You I see
In the tall, majestic Oak tree,
The puffy clouds in the sky so blue,
All things created remind me of You.
You speak to me through your creation,
And show me your awesome imagination
The water, forest and the fields
All of them, to you yield
Through the woods, I love to walk
There I find itās easy to talk
To talk to you and hear you so clearly
These moments I hold dearly
Why is it these walks arenāt more frequent?
Why isnāt my daily time better spent?
I desire a closer, intimate relationship with You
Yet I find myself doing other things I donāt want to do
Itās that age old question ā why do I do
The things that I donāt want to do?
Why canāt I do the things that I want to?
For itās you Lord, I want to pursue.
I want to drink from the well that satisfies
I want to walk with the one who hears my cries
I want to go through life holding your hand
Guiding me moment by moment through the land
There is Hope
I want to share with you that there is hope. When youāre a Child of God ā thereās always hope! Paul says in Colossians 1:27 that we have Christ in us, the hope of glory. (Christ is in us and we can hope for glory ā we can!)
I gave my life to Jesus when I was a young child in Sunday school and I fell away ā badly when I got a little older. I gave my life to Jesus as an adult when I was 34. At that time, I had been using drugs for about 22 years and was in the process of my 3rd divorce.
I started using when I was barely 13; because I wanted to be grown up, wanted to fit in and just wanted to be cool. My oldest sister introduced me to cigarettes, drinking and pot ā all in one night. I had been sexually abused by different men from the age of 11 or 12 until about 15. When I was 22, right after my first divorce my mom disowned me and I went into a downward spiral for the next 12 years.
I used men, a huge variety of drugs and partied whenever I could. My drug of choice was always pot, but also included cocaine for about 8 years. I did many other drugs in my life, but these two were my favorites. My goal was to be stoned from the time I got up in the morning until I passed out at night. In the morning when I was putting my make up on, I was smoking a joint; I smoked on the way to work, at work and on the way home and all night long. A typical day for me was an average of 8 joints and that was when I was by myself. Weekends and when I smoked with friends, my usage was up. This didnāt stop just because I gave my life to Jesus. I continued smoking pot and drinking for about a year and a half after I was saved. I did however, quit using men, partying and doing the bar scene.
When I quit using, it appeared as though it was a miracle, a deliverance; it looked like I just suddenly quit cold turkey. From 8 joints one day ā to zero the next. But that wasnāt the case; Jesus had been working on me on the inside for the entire year and a half. I knew I wasnāt pleasing Him and I knew He wanted me to quit. Iād pray and tell Jesus that if Iām ever gonna quit, Heād have to do it for me, because I couldnāt do it alone. The thing is, I didnāt want to quit, I enjoyed it. I prayed that He would make me willing to be willing; and then allow Him to come in and do His work. I would always put this tag though on the end of those prayers and say ābut please donāt get me busted!ā Cause you know how God is and He works that way sometimes when we donāt get the message.
Well, one day, I heard a sermon and I knew it was time. (The sermon was called āFreeze Tagā and it was about the game of Freeze tag that youāve maybe played when you were young. Whoever is āitā tags the other players and they are instantly frozen and they have to stay that way until one of the other players comes along and tags them ā then they are no longer frozen. The sermon related that game to people who get frozen and stuck in certain patterns or behaviors in life. Frozen people in life stay that way until Jesus comes along and touches them and then theyāre no longer frozen. That was me, and that was what I neededā¦I needed a touch from Jesus) I knew God was speaking through my Pastor directly to me in that sermon. But, I didnāt quit that day, or the next day which was Monday. I was gonna to call my Pastor and realized that Monday was his day off and so Tuesday I called him and I told him everything = I just spilled it all out to him and he was so gracious! We prayed together and that was the last day I used drugs.
So, there is hope. Isaiah 59:1 says āSurely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hearā Surely His arm is not too short to save ā he can reach you no matter where you are. If you cry out to him, he will hear you (his ear is not dull) and he will reach you ā no matter how far youāve fallen.
Iāll leave you with this: taken from Romans 15:13 āMay the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit..ā
Our God is a God of hope and we can overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
He I Am To Worship
I volunteered for the Passion Regional Conference in Chicago last weekend. Iāve volunteered for Passion Conferences in the past and loved it. I was on the Touch Team again and itās the team that interacts with the students the most. The Touch Team is usually inside the arena to help students find seats, answer any questions they may have and assist them in any way. We ā the volunteers are there to serve the Kingdom by serving the students. We are to be Jesus in the skin to them.
Well, I think Iām ready for this and I love to serve; it always has brought me joy in the past. The funny thing is this time, it was different ā I was different. We started out doing the set up and getting ready for the conference ā we arrived at 8 a.m. and the first session was at 7 p.m. I was assigned to help at registration from 2 until 5 in the afternoon. At 5:00 I was on the Touch Team. I was so excited and wanted to have a really good position. I told myself it was because I loved to interact with the students and I loved to serve God. At the meeting of the Touch Team we were told that the position we received for the first night was to be the same position we would hold for the entire conference. Well, my husband got put in a really good place and I ended up being assigned with another volunteer to stand by a barrier and not allow anyone who wasnāt a volunteer to go beyond it. This barrier was out in the concourse. I was so disappointed and angry. I didnāt want to be there, I was whining about everything: my back was going to hurt because I have to keep moving and this position was standing still; it was a stupid place to stand; it didnāt take two of us to guard this barrier; on and on I was complaining to myself. My feelings were taking over. I knew in my head that I was serving God no matter where I was assigned, but my emotions were not matching what I knew to be true. I prayed and thanked God for the opportunity to serve and I knew I was serving regardless of where I was and I praised Him for what He was going to do that weekend in the hearts of all the people attending. Even though I didnāt feel like saying the words, I said the words. I confessed that I was feeling selfish and didnāt want to feel that way but I needed help to get past this.
I wasnāt there too long and one of the leaders asked me to move to the next spot over and help a different volunteer to work the aisle in the arena and decide when to close that section and send everyone to the upper level. I was excited to do that, even though it wasnāt a good position either. I was mad at myself for not being up front of the group and taking one of the first positions that were given away; I was upset not to be where my husband was assigned.
We were told that the following day the 15 registration people would be joining the Touch Team. Well, my plan was to ask to be reassigned to be with my husband Bill now that we had more people and someone else could take my spot. I talked to Bill about it and he thought it was a great idea; he wanted to serve with me. Well, I asked and what happened was they switched Bill and the guy I was serving with the night before. So, the guy I was serving with got the good spot and Bill ended up in the crummy spot with me! I was really upset with myself for not getting myself out of that spot, but now I got Bill in there with me ā I ruined it for him! He just takes it all in stride and he seems to be happy anywhere they put him. Heās so great ā I can learn so much from him! The people that were on the end portal didnāt show up, one of them was to be on the meal team that morning and would be back after lunch; so they asked me and Bill to split up and he took the end portal and I stayed where I was. Meanwhile, Iām critiquing everything in my head ā where are the 15 volunteers from registration? What about the meal team ā where are they? (They were supposed to join the Touch Team in the afternoon) We should be doubled up all over the place and it seems like we have the same, if not less than before. The guy that was at the end portal the day before that had joined the meal team came back before the evening session and told us he was a āfloaterā we saw him just talking and wandering around on the floor and everywhere ā it didnāt seem as though he was serving anywhere ā just enjoying the conference. Well, seems as though everything was bothering me: I thought I lost $20 and I was flustered and upset, an intercessor that was praying over the seats before the building was open took my sweatshirt that I had saving my seat because she thought it was lost and found ā that upset me. I just was miserable and not in the right place in my heart. I prayed and really focused and decided I was in a good spot, I could see just fine and this wasnāt about me.
Well, Louie did a sermon and he said many things that really spoke to me. He talked about people who to go church and complain all the way home about how they didnāt get anything out of the worship, etc. Well, the worship wasnāt for them, it was for God. Thatās why we worship ā it has nothing to do with what we get or donāt get out of it, we arenāt to be doing it for ourselves. He said as long as we are reacting like that in regards to anythingā¦the worship, the sermon, etc., it shows that the filter or the lens we are viewing the world through is one that is all about ourselves. We need to get rid of that filter ā we are not there for us. Why we are there is for God, whether we are attending or serving. Our service is worship to God, is it a sweet aroma in His nostrils? We go and we sing āHere I am to Worshipāā¦.when really, no we arenāt there to worship ā at least not God we are there to please and feed and make our flesh happy.
Mercy Me
The last month or so Iāve noticed a change in me, God is working on the inside of me and Iām changing. Iāve never been one who had the gift of mercy but lately it seems as though itās coming up in me quite frequently.
Iāve noticed I get to the point of tears when I go to the balcony at church and look over the people down below. I see the ābig pictureā and my heart breaks for the ones who are hurting or donāt know Jesus. This is quite unusual for me to say the least. It is a powerful image from the balcony for me ā I went there again today and the same thing happened. I prayed and cried for Jesus to work and heal His children. I watched them take communion and kneel at the cross, it was so moving to me. I prayed for the lost, the least and the hurting.
I just seem to want to help people. I am a co-leader of a small group in Celebrate Recovery and the people there are hurting and struggling. Many times before in my life I would get impatient with people who didnāt get it together. I wouldnāt feel sorry for the homeless ā instead I just wouldnāt notice them or just excuse it away and think they brought it on themselves, etc. I know itās been wrong for me to feel that way. Recently, Iāve prayed a prayer I didnāt have the nerve to pray before and that is: āJesus make me like you. Make me love what you love and hurt over what you hurt over.ā And heās changing me!
Today what really struck me is I realized I canāt wait to leave this fallen world and fall into my Saviorās arms. I just want to see Him face to face, to be with Him in eternity. This is a new thought and feeling for me. Iāve not wanted this before in such a real way.
I want Jesus to be my center, the core of my being and to live out of that place. I want to live life intentionally, to be present to each and every person Iām around and to reflect Jesus to them in a real way.
Lisa
Lisa, to so many, youāve meant so much
Everyone you know has received your touch
You show Jesus to the masses
Whether doing announcements
Or teaching classes
You call me to a deeper level of living
By watching you and seeing your giving
Your humble spirit and tender heart
Convict me to do my part
To live out of that place deep inside
That is present to people and doesnāt hide
To love people well and share the truth
Of God, there is no greater proof
Even when lifeās seasons change
Thereās one thing that still remains
Even though weāre miles apart
We can still be close in our heart.