Another Stage of Life

The phone rang; I looked at the Caller ID and answered it. Mom was on the other end. She had a bad day, while trying to cut the grass that morning the lawnmower had quit and wouldn‘t start. She said that she “tried and tried and pulled the rope until she almost killed herself” then she gave up and went in the house.

Sitting in the living room chair, she started thinking about why she lives there. She came to the conclusion to sell her house and move to an apartment. Several of her friends on her bowling league live in apartments and they seem to like it. She said the house is just too much for her and thinks moving is the right thing to do. She had it all planned out, she would keep some money for herself and give the rest to us kids; so she would be alive to see us enjoy our inheritance.

At first, I tried to talk her into staying in the house, I suggested she hire a lawn service, or let us kids take care of things. Because I don’t like living in apartments, I didn’t think she would. But, she had answers for everything I said; she is old and settled, she’d like it etc. So, I decided to support her in her decision.

I started to look inside myself and ask why I was uncomfortable with her wanting to move. I realized I feel as though moving to an apartment is her last stage in life and it brings the realization she isn’t going to be around forever. I mean, I know she has to die sometime, but talking about this move just made it more of a reality. Along with that comes knowing my home will be gone, the family “nest” will no longer be there. Mom’s house is the place I was born and raised. Our holidays are spent there with the family. Mom and her home seems to be the glue that holds us together. Mom’s a Christian, so I know she will go to heaven to be with Jesus, and she has lots of people up there waiting for her; my Dad being one of them. (That’s another story for later…)

The reason I was bothered by this move has more to do with selfish reasons than anything else. I realized it was hard for me to think about, because I’m single and don’t have children. My two sisters have families, so when our parents are both gone, and that family has ended so to speak, they will still have their families. Does this make sense? I think there is a fear of being alone and of growing older myself. Mom was always the one I went to for comfort and strength when I was little; she always took care of things, now it’s my turn to take care of her. That is a hard role to reverse.

So, here I was with all of this inside of me. I prayed and God gave me peace, comfort and acceptance. One day, we went apartment hunting. We saw three different places, they were very nice. I was being positive and encouraging, pointing out all the benefits of living in each one. When we got in the car to leave, Mom said she didn’t think she’d like living in an apartment. It reminded her of a nursing home. She hasn’t lived in an apartment for 50 years and then she didn’t live in one for very long. We agreed she would allow us kids to do the lawn work. I told her she shouldn’t have to do anything at her house anymore, to just call one of us, or let us set up a schedule to help. Since then, my nephew has been cutting the grass for her. I go over Saturday mornings to help clean out the closets, basement and the attic.

God knows what is best. He is so gentle in teaching and showing me the different seasons of life and the adjustments that are needed. This whole experience gave both Mom and me lots of things to think about. I’m so glad it happened because I got the chance to do some soul searching and realize a few things.

There are times in our lives when we think like my Mom did, that we are ready to go to the next season, but God knows different. God had to show Mom that she is not at that place in her life. Mom belongs right where she is, but she needs to learn to accept and receive help from others. I know that is hard for her, she was always the one to give, the one to do without and put the rest of the family first.

Then there are times in our lives when we think like I did, that the time is not right to move to the next level or season, just stay right where we are, don’t change anything. Again, God knows different. There are times to move on and even though this wasn’t one in the physical sense for Mom, it is a different level for her. The role reversal has begun. Often times I either want to run out in front of God, or dig in my heels and not leave my comfort zone.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name. You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned. Nor shall the flame scorch you.” Isaiah 43:1-2

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

This life is a journey and we need to keep moving, one step at a time. The reassuring part is that Jesus goes through it all with us. He will never, ever ask us to do or go anywhere that He doesn’t go with us.

Reduce Me to Love

It’s been on my heart lately to really work on my love walk. To be Jesus in the skin in this world. I allow my pride and impatience to get in the way many times. I’m always in such a hurry, I don’t really need to rush anywhere, I just want to be efficient. I have that type of personality. I’m a person who can be thinking about one thing, talking on the phone about another, and writing something completely different. I am efficient. This leads to impatience and I know that impatience is a manifestation of pride.

Pride shows itself in my life these ways: (1) impatience, like I already pointed out; (2) being critical or judgmental, someone is not doing something as well as I think they should, or as well as I think I could; (3) being late frequently, I’m important, they will wait for me before they start; (4) arrogance, being insensitive to other people

I’m sure that pride shows up in many other ways, conceit, bragging, haughtiness, etc. But, pride in my life is mostly this list of four. I don’t really mean to be cold or insensitive, I just come off that way because of my impatience and that drive that’s in me to be perfect and efficient.

I’m reminded of Mark 8:22-25 “And they came to Bethsaida. And (people) brought to Him a blind man and begged Him to touch him. And He caught the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village; and when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands upon him, He asked him, Do you see anything? And he looked up and said, I see people, but (they look) like trees, walking. Then He put His hands on his eyes again; and the man looked intently (that is, fixed his eyes on definite objects), and he was restored and saw everything distinctly (even what was at a distance).

I’ve been seeing people that look like trees lately, I find myself looking right past them or through them. I am not focused on definite objects, I am focused on what task I am doing at the time. I see many people daily in my job, and I’m not being sensitive to them as people. I’m not being Jesus in the skin and I’m not walking in love, I am just doing my task.

The following poem is my prayer.

Reduce Me To Love

Lord reduce me to love,
The love that’s from above.
Let there be nothing left inside of me,
Except Your love, for others to see.

I pray Your love shines so bright,
That others are attracted to the light.
That we may all have love for each other,
And not hide continually under cover.

Reduce, refine, workout the changes,
To be made until we are blameless.
A church without blemish or spot
Is what Your blood has bought.

You paid by dying on the tree,
Long ago at Calvary.
For believers, You promise to return,
For that day we all yearn.

Until then, Reduce Me to Love…

True Wealth

To learn that there is more to me
Than the body in the mirror I see.
To love the person I am inside,
The one I always seem to hide.

My body outside will not change,
Until my thoughts are rearranged.
To love the me that God has made,
And not let that love be swayed.

I’m often swayed by what I weigh,
What I do, and what I say.
Realizing that I’m God’s masterpiece,
Allows self condemnation to cease.

He’s the potter and I’m the clay
He’s made me what I am today.
Everyone is beautiful in His eyes,
To think different is believing lies.

Junk is not what God makes
A new perspective is what it takes.
To see the beauty in myself,
Is what will bring true wealth.

Goodbye to Friends

Over four years ago, I was such a mess,
I thought I couldn’t be anything less.
The bottom is where I seemed to be,
That’s where I was when you met me.

You let me in, you showed me grace,
I learned my life was not a waste.
You taught me to boldly approach God’s throne,
And give Christ inside of me a home.

Since then, I’ve never been the same
I learned my life was not in vain.
Where I am weak, He is strong,
I follow Him, I can’t go wrong.

You openly listened, you were always there,
Anytime I needed friends to share
My joys, confusion or turmoil,
You were friends that were always loyal.

Now it’s time to say goodbye
It’s hard for me, but I will try
To express in words how I feel for you,
Friends like you are ever true.

God has put a call on your heart,
Your answer has meant a new start.
I love you and I send you my prayer,
That God will keep you in His care.

Friends

I used to think my friends were true,
But that was before I met you.
Friends were people with whom I could play,
Friends mean more to me today.

When I found Christ, I found friends that are real,
With them, my heart I can reveal.
We can share laughter as well as tears,
This kind of friendship will last for years

This is what I had been searching for,
All that time, when I wanted more.
I’ve been blessed with friends I love,
That share with me, the love from above.

Jennie Y

You’ve come and blessed me in so many ways,
With your music, prayers and the way you praise.
The love you have and show for the Lord,
Is creative, beautiful and to be adored.

You are open to the Spirit’s moving,
And allow Him to do the choosing.
I’m honored the Lord allowed us to meet,
You’re giving, kind and really sweet.

On your face, is always a smile,
You volunteer to go the extra mile.
You are an example of God’s love,
So clearly filled with Him above.

For all to see, you shine His light,
You use His power and His might,
To spread the word to everyone,
Of what it is that Christ has done.

He Still Can Move a Stone

Easter 1997, what does it mean to me?
Two thousand years ago, Jesus died to set me free.
God in human form crucified on the cross,
The blood of the Lamb shed for me, was the cost.

God sent His Son to die, so we could live,
This is the ultimate gift He could give.
Why did He do this I sometimes wonder?
So we’d no longer have “the law” to live under.

We have free will, we’re given a choice,
We have thoughts, decisions and opinions to voice.
We’re given life or death to choose,
One we win, the other – we lose.

Things were made simple when Jesus came,
We’re now saved by grace, not the works we claim.
He gave a new commandment that was simply to love,
Our neighbor as ourselves and with everything God above.

He died a death like that of a thief,
His mother and John watched in their grief.
They laid Him in a rich man’s grave,
So all us sinners could be saved.

And with His resurrection, Jesus went home,
To sit with God on the right hand of the throne.
Throughout this land He wants it to be known,
Trust Him with our lives, He still can move a stone.

My Love Letter to Jesus

Jesus:

I love you like no other! I treasure Your creation – the sunset I’m watching across the frozen lake is so awesome. But, it doesn’t even compare to You. You’ve done so many wonderful things for me. I will serve You with all of my days. You loved me when I felt I was unlovable, You cared for me and protected me when I thought no one did, or would. When I was at my lowest, feeling like the biggest failure, You thought I was precious and beautiful. It seems everyone I knew had betrayed me and abandoned me at some point, but You never did. You were there waiting for me to love You all those years that I wanted nothing to do with You. And, when I returned, You welcomed me back with open arms! I’m continually amazed and blessed at your forgiveness, compassion and mercy. I love You with all my heart. All my everything – I give to You.

The sun is setting now and the colors are beyond description. I’ve always felt You the most in nature. The beauty, the colors, the sounds and smells. It’s all a beautiful, wonderful miracle. The wildlife is so unique, the deer, so gentle, the eagle, so strong and free. Jesus, I know I’m far more worthy and valuable to You than the animals and You take such good, loving care of them. Lord, I want to live a life like Jesus did on earth. I want to walk in love.

I thank You, praise You and worship You. I thank you for loving me and for allowing me to feel Your presence surrounding me. Bless You Lord; bless you friend, and forever I am grateful. Bless You King, bless you Savior, bless You lover of my soul.

You have loved me with a love like no other. I’m grateful, joyful—the feelings and emotions are beyond words. I love being married to You. You are always there for me.

The sun is gone, but the colors remain, blaze orange, rose and pink through the sky and clouds. WOW! To share a sunset in Your presence is so pleasing.

Thank You for the passion and hunger that You’ve given me for You. I truly feel special that You’ve chosen me! You’ve chosen to bless me with really great gifts! The ministry of poem writing blows me away! I don’t know why You chose me for that, and I quit trying to figure it out, I just enjoy it and all the rest You’ve blessed me with. The gift of an encourager, leader and administration. Wow! I’m excited to see where You’re going to take me. I’m thrilled to be growing with You and in You. You continually surprise me with Your wonderful blessings and kindness.

Thanks for the sacrifice You made on the cross for ME! I will be a living sacrifice for You. Use me, as You will.

I’m anticipating a wonderful journey and I know You’ll be there for it all and if I fall, You’ll pick me up, hold me, comfort me and direct my path and make it smooth. You’ve given me such wonderful promises and I claim them all.

I know You’ll put spiritual friends in my life of your choosing and a mentor as well. Train me to encourage and mentor others in the future to help others to be spiritually strong and mature.

With all my love, heart, soul, body, mind and emotions.

I’m yours!

Love Deb